Thought this was an excellent article. There's a lot in here that relates to our thoughts on why we chose to adopt internationally. It is written much better than I could have EVER said or written myself when asked the question. And with statistics, which of course, I love. :)
http://www.theadoptionfirm.com/2013/02/21/ill-tell-you-why-reflections-on-domestic-and-international-adoption-by-anne-louise-pass/
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Adoptive Moms
Thought this was an interesting read:
http://godslittlestangelsinhaiti.org/thoughts/2013/03/01/story-10-the-grace-and-power-of-connections/
We have seen this play out in ours and many other adoptive families. It's not easy, but what a blessing to have other moms with whom to share in the struggles and the respite!
http://godslittlestangelsinhaiti.org/thoughts/2013/03/01/story-10-the-grace-and-power-of-connections/
We have seen this play out in ours and many other adoptive families. It's not easy, but what a blessing to have other moms with whom to share in the struggles and the respite!
Monday, March 4, 2013
General Stuff
The big kids went sledding for the second time Saturday. We got another 5 inches of snow last week, and it didn't get much above freezing this week, so there was still enough for sledding. Sounds like they had a blast! It was warming up Saturday though, so they wanted to go early in the afternoon, so James and I missed out this time. I don't think Jock even took his snowpants, so he didn't sled either - just took the kids to enjoy the white stuff. Apparently someone had built a ramp on the hill, so Elijah & Kaylen tried it out. Apparently if you went over it just right, it launched you into the air for a bit. No surprise though, Josephine didn't want to try the ramp. She's not quite as adventurous as the other two. She will, however, kill the random box elder bugs we've been finding in our basement all winter, then pick it up with her bare hands and throw it in the trash, as Elijah looks on in utter fear. Go figure!
Elijah has three loose teeth. His top two middle teeth, and one on the bottom, next to his middle permanent teeth that came in last summer. We are constantly telling him to wiggle them, especially the two in the top middle, because they are already being pushed out by the permanent teeth that are coming in. His teeth look so crazy! He's just either too lazy or too scared (or both) to wiggle them. I keep reminding him that he'll probably get money from the tooth fairy, and he can use it to buy gum or candy with that money, which is helping a little bit, I think.
Josephine had an eye doctor appointment this week. The doctor was satisfied that her lazy eye was getting better. However, he says it can still revert to laziness, because it's slightly weaker than the other, up until age 8, so he has asked her to continue wearing her eye patch for two hours each evening. She also got new glasses. We got them ordered the day of her appointment, and picked them up Saturday already. She's really liking them, and Sunday when she was reading, I could already tell she could see better. She wasn't holding the book 3 inches from her face!
Kaylen's doing awesome in school. She's in an extended learning program (like talented and gifted when I was a kid) for humanities - reading and social studies. They've also started her and a couple other kids in her class, to monitor them in STEM, which is the extended learning program for science, technology, engineering and math. She was scared when we told her after fall conferences that she might start the program, saying that was for the really smart kids. She's the kind of kid that can do that level of work if she's pushed a little bit, but if not, she's scared she'll fail so she doesn't want to. She was even very upset about it one day, saying that all the other kids will think she's a nerd and she's not that smart. We had a little talk about trying her best, not dumbing herself down just so she can try to be a cool kid... Well, we and her teacher agreed that she needs the extra challenge. She was in the class for about a month or so before they had their annual assessment testing (was basic skills tests when I was a kid). They also did some other testing in that class, and those tests will help determine whether she joins the STEM class permanently. She thought she did well on the testing, and she is now excited to be in the class, so I hope she truly did well on the testing so she can stay. She's coming home excited about the new things she's learning.
Josephine and Elijah are doing awesome in school as well. We were very impressed at their progress at conferences a couple weeks ago. Josephine is right on target, and I think soon will be ahead of the expected level for kindergarten if she keeps working hard! Elijah is a little behind target, but we've seen some big improvements as his behavior has leveled out some as well. I hope that progress continues as well. We'll have to keep on things this summer so they don't lose ground on their reading. Both reading and math for Kaylen - but she LOVES to read, so that won't be an issue for her - just keeping up with checking books out from the library for her!
The Awana year will be wrapping up in about a month for all three bigger kids. Elijah and Josephine finished their books a couple weeks ago, and are now going back to do some review. Kaylen is almost finished with her year-2 T&T book as well, including the silver and gold sections, which are typicially quite challenging. So proud of all of them!
Kaylen is enjoying tumbling class on Monday nights. It's nice that it's only one night per week. She'd like to go back to doing dance next fall, but we'll have to wait and see. She misses it, but she was also miserable most weeks when she went to class. She is really doing well in tumbling. She's very close to having her back hand-spring down, which she's very excited about. She still has a teacher spot her most times, and one teacher still helps lift her, to help with her technique a bit. It's fun to watch the girls in her class with quite varying abilities. Some girls are in their teens, and can do back handsprings all the way across the mat, while others are younger and still learning them, like her. It's neat to have the variety in her class, because she doesn't feel like she's at the lowest level, but can also watch and learn from those at the higher levels.
Elijah and Josephine aren't doing a sport this winter. They played soccer in the fall and I'd planned on signing them up for basketball this winter. I'd been on the city Parks & Rec website a few times, looking for the sign-ups, and they weren't there. I assumed that they weren't doing basketball for their ages this winter. Well, I found the basketball info on the website while I was looking for something else... a month after the registration deadline. I probably could have called the Parks & Rec office to get them signed up late, but then I decided that was probably for the better, with James just coming home. Not having two basketball games every Saturday this winter has been a good thing. And when I apologized to the kids about not getting them signed up, they didn't have any problem with it. But Josephine did ask if she could play t-ball again this spring/summer, so I'll have to watch for that when the spring/summer activity catalog comes out. :)
James... well, James is James. I've written more about him in the past several weeks than you probably want to hear. He's doing well, amazing us daily with his newfound skills and knowledge, and making us laugh a lot!
Elijah has three loose teeth. His top two middle teeth, and one on the bottom, next to his middle permanent teeth that came in last summer. We are constantly telling him to wiggle them, especially the two in the top middle, because they are already being pushed out by the permanent teeth that are coming in. His teeth look so crazy! He's just either too lazy or too scared (or both) to wiggle them. I keep reminding him that he'll probably get money from the tooth fairy, and he can use it to buy gum or candy with that money, which is helping a little bit, I think.
Josephine had an eye doctor appointment this week. The doctor was satisfied that her lazy eye was getting better. However, he says it can still revert to laziness, because it's slightly weaker than the other, up until age 8, so he has asked her to continue wearing her eye patch for two hours each evening. She also got new glasses. We got them ordered the day of her appointment, and picked them up Saturday already. She's really liking them, and Sunday when she was reading, I could already tell she could see better. She wasn't holding the book 3 inches from her face!
Kaylen's doing awesome in school. She's in an extended learning program (like talented and gifted when I was a kid) for humanities - reading and social studies. They've also started her and a couple other kids in her class, to monitor them in STEM, which is the extended learning program for science, technology, engineering and math. She was scared when we told her after fall conferences that she might start the program, saying that was for the really smart kids. She's the kind of kid that can do that level of work if she's pushed a little bit, but if not, she's scared she'll fail so she doesn't want to. She was even very upset about it one day, saying that all the other kids will think she's a nerd and she's not that smart. We had a little talk about trying her best, not dumbing herself down just so she can try to be a cool kid... Well, we and her teacher agreed that she needs the extra challenge. She was in the class for about a month or so before they had their annual assessment testing (was basic skills tests when I was a kid). They also did some other testing in that class, and those tests will help determine whether she joins the STEM class permanently. She thought she did well on the testing, and she is now excited to be in the class, so I hope she truly did well on the testing so she can stay. She's coming home excited about the new things she's learning.
Josephine and Elijah are doing awesome in school as well. We were very impressed at their progress at conferences a couple weeks ago. Josephine is right on target, and I think soon will be ahead of the expected level for kindergarten if she keeps working hard! Elijah is a little behind target, but we've seen some big improvements as his behavior has leveled out some as well. I hope that progress continues as well. We'll have to keep on things this summer so they don't lose ground on their reading. Both reading and math for Kaylen - but she LOVES to read, so that won't be an issue for her - just keeping up with checking books out from the library for her!
The Awana year will be wrapping up in about a month for all three bigger kids. Elijah and Josephine finished their books a couple weeks ago, and are now going back to do some review. Kaylen is almost finished with her year-2 T&T book as well, including the silver and gold sections, which are typicially quite challenging. So proud of all of them!
Kaylen is enjoying tumbling class on Monday nights. It's nice that it's only one night per week. She'd like to go back to doing dance next fall, but we'll have to wait and see. She misses it, but she was also miserable most weeks when she went to class. She is really doing well in tumbling. She's very close to having her back hand-spring down, which she's very excited about. She still has a teacher spot her most times, and one teacher still helps lift her, to help with her technique a bit. It's fun to watch the girls in her class with quite varying abilities. Some girls are in their teens, and can do back handsprings all the way across the mat, while others are younger and still learning them, like her. It's neat to have the variety in her class, because she doesn't feel like she's at the lowest level, but can also watch and learn from those at the higher levels.
Elijah and Josephine aren't doing a sport this winter. They played soccer in the fall and I'd planned on signing them up for basketball this winter. I'd been on the city Parks & Rec website a few times, looking for the sign-ups, and they weren't there. I assumed that they weren't doing basketball for their ages this winter. Well, I found the basketball info on the website while I was looking for something else... a month after the registration deadline. I probably could have called the Parks & Rec office to get them signed up late, but then I decided that was probably for the better, with James just coming home. Not having two basketball games every Saturday this winter has been a good thing. And when I apologized to the kids about not getting them signed up, they didn't have any problem with it. But Josephine did ask if she could play t-ball again this spring/summer, so I'll have to watch for that when the spring/summer activity catalog comes out. :)
James... well, James is James. I've written more about him in the past several weeks than you probably want to hear. He's doing well, amazing us daily with his newfound skills and knowledge, and making us laugh a lot!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
James' Bedtime
James has been better about bedtime now, thankfully. He isn't really screaming for any length of time now. He still cries just for a bit when we tell him it's time to go up, but he calms down pretty fast. The only time it lasts a little bit longer in bed is at naptime when both Jock and I are home - whether the kids are home or not. He tries clinging to whichever parent is not taking him up for nap - doesn't matter which one either. Strange. But as soon as he stops screaming he is generally asleep fast.
At naptime, James usually sleeps for about an hour, maybe 1 1/2 hours. We usually do lunch around 11:30 am. He's usually a little wild and crazy right after lunch, so the early lunch gives him a little bit of time to settle down before naptime. I try to get him down by 12:30, because we leave the house again at 2:25 to pick the big kids up from school. One day last week, the kids got out of school early due to a snowstorm. Two hours out early meant we had to leave home at 12:25, so his nap was delayed about 45 minutes past normal time. Once we got home, the big kids watched movies in the basement, while James took his nap. He surprised me that day by sleeping for 2 1/2 hours - and I slept for nearly that long as well! The big kids were happy to have some movie time before they had to get back to their homework.
In the evening, once he has his PJs on, while we're tucking the other kids into bed, we'll tell him to go get in bed. He usually runs between his bed (in the far corner of our bedroom) and the hallway, a few times while we're tucking the other kids in bed and giving hugs/kisses. When we come in, he goes right to his bed and folds his hands. We turn down the lights, pray with him, give him hugs and kisses, cover him up, and then get in bed ourselves. He usually doesn't fuss at all any more once he's tucked in. Sometimes he plays around in his bed for a few minutes, but what kid doesn't?! We just remind him that it's time to go to sleep, if he starts talking or getting up.
It's becoming less frequent that he wakes up in the middle of the night. When he does we usually try to be silent and just let him go back to sleep on his own. If it takes a bit though, we'll just say something to him like, "It's OK", or "Go to sleep", and him hearing our voice will calm him down. When he does do this, it's usually around 4:00 in the morning, for some reason.
We have James going to be around 7:30 or 8 at night, and he'll sleep until around 7:15 in the morning, when it's almost time for me to take the big kids to school. Sometimes he's awake already, and sometimes I have to wake him up. On Wednesdays, since we don't HAVE to take the kids to school until an hour later, he will sometimes sleep later, but other times he's up. Sometimes it also depends on how noisy Daddy is getting ready for work between 6:15 and 7, and how noisy the kids are getting ready, at the same time.
In the next couple weeks, we'll have to start seeing how James does with waking up about a half-hour earlier. We'll probably have to be getting him up around 6:30, to get him ready for daycare when I go back to work next month. I'll probably have to figure out what daycare's lunch and naptime schedule are, so I can try to mirror that, and determine if we need to adjust the bedtime schedule at all. I'm not sure how much earlier we can go with bedtime though, since we only have about 2 1/2 to 3 hours at home in the evenings before bedtime once I'm back at work - and Elijah's bedtime is squarely at 7:30 pm, so them sharing a room would probably make different bedtimes very difficult. He may just need longer naps!
I'm not sure yet what the timeline might look like for moving James out of our bedroom and back to his bedroom (that he'll share with Elijah). Maybe we'll start sneaking out of the room, instead of staying until he's asleep, and see how does with us not being in the room with us. Maybe also as he continues getting more consistent with not waking at night. We shall see...
At naptime, James usually sleeps for about an hour, maybe 1 1/2 hours. We usually do lunch around 11:30 am. He's usually a little wild and crazy right after lunch, so the early lunch gives him a little bit of time to settle down before naptime. I try to get him down by 12:30, because we leave the house again at 2:25 to pick the big kids up from school. One day last week, the kids got out of school early due to a snowstorm. Two hours out early meant we had to leave home at 12:25, so his nap was delayed about 45 minutes past normal time. Once we got home, the big kids watched movies in the basement, while James took his nap. He surprised me that day by sleeping for 2 1/2 hours - and I slept for nearly that long as well! The big kids were happy to have some movie time before they had to get back to their homework.
In the evening, once he has his PJs on, while we're tucking the other kids into bed, we'll tell him to go get in bed. He usually runs between his bed (in the far corner of our bedroom) and the hallway, a few times while we're tucking the other kids in bed and giving hugs/kisses. When we come in, he goes right to his bed and folds his hands. We turn down the lights, pray with him, give him hugs and kisses, cover him up, and then get in bed ourselves. He usually doesn't fuss at all any more once he's tucked in. Sometimes he plays around in his bed for a few minutes, but what kid doesn't?! We just remind him that it's time to go to sleep, if he starts talking or getting up.
It's becoming less frequent that he wakes up in the middle of the night. When he does we usually try to be silent and just let him go back to sleep on his own. If it takes a bit though, we'll just say something to him like, "It's OK", or "Go to sleep", and him hearing our voice will calm him down. When he does do this, it's usually around 4:00 in the morning, for some reason.
We have James going to be around 7:30 or 8 at night, and he'll sleep until around 7:15 in the morning, when it's almost time for me to take the big kids to school. Sometimes he's awake already, and sometimes I have to wake him up. On Wednesdays, since we don't HAVE to take the kids to school until an hour later, he will sometimes sleep later, but other times he's up. Sometimes it also depends on how noisy Daddy is getting ready for work between 6:15 and 7, and how noisy the kids are getting ready, at the same time.
In the next couple weeks, we'll have to start seeing how James does with waking up about a half-hour earlier. We'll probably have to be getting him up around 6:30, to get him ready for daycare when I go back to work next month. I'll probably have to figure out what daycare's lunch and naptime schedule are, so I can try to mirror that, and determine if we need to adjust the bedtime schedule at all. I'm not sure how much earlier we can go with bedtime though, since we only have about 2 1/2 to 3 hours at home in the evenings before bedtime once I'm back at work - and Elijah's bedtime is squarely at 7:30 pm, so them sharing a room would probably make different bedtimes very difficult. He may just need longer naps!
I'm not sure yet what the timeline might look like for moving James out of our bedroom and back to his bedroom (that he'll share with Elijah). Maybe we'll start sneaking out of the room, instead of staying until he's asleep, and see how does with us not being in the room with us. Maybe also as he continues getting more consistent with not waking at night. We shall see...
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Tantrums
I've gotten questions from a few other adoptive families about how we handle tantrums, so I thought I'd do a blog post about it. Granted, our style of handling James' tantrums may or may not work for an older child, or even a child of the same age and background as James. I've said before, lots of parenting is trial and error, and try again!
At any rate, James has been challenging us the last few weeks with some tantrums. The first few weeks he was home, we were almost exclusively using redirection as our discipline technique, but he's getting more comfortable and he's testing his boundaries. He's too smart for, "James, let's play trucks!" when he knows we don't want him to push all the enticing buttons at the entertainment center, for example.
It usually is set off by him not getting his way - usually being told no (which we try to avoid if possible, but it's not always possible). If he doesn't obey, we tell him no a little more sternly. If he still doesn't obey, we remove him from the situation he was told no about (non-food in mouth, hitting a sibling, touching something he shouldn't, etc), either by taking away a toy, moving him away from the thing he shouldn't touch/hit, etc. Occasionally it's something we're asking him to do, like coming to us, putting something somewhere, sharing a toy with someone, etc.
James' tantrums aren't just the type where he throws himself on the floor. He wants to be held when he gets corrected, which I find to be reassuring - attachment-wise, meaning that he wants reassurance that we still love him when he's disciplined, which we easily give. However, he also can get really angry, so in addition to wanting to be held, he'll come running to the parent who's told him no, and hit us and tell us "No!" when he gets across the room.
This results in us holding his hands during the tantrum so as not to get hurt, which can cause things to explode. When he finally calms down, we reiterate the instruction and have him apologize and acknowledge the instruction. Sometimes it takes a few times and slight relapses into the tantrum before we get to this point. It can take 20 minutes to get to the point of him calming down too, which is really difficult and exhausting - both physically and emotionally for both of us!
Earlier this week, James was putting something in his mouth. I casually asked him to take it out of his mouth, which he did for a second, but immediately put it back in, smiling. I repeated the instruction, which he again disregarded, and then I took the toy away and put it out of his reach. He ran over to me, crying, and punched me on the legs. I picked him up, and told him he couldn't put that in his mouth, and he couldn't hit me. He exploded! He repeated the hitting and started scratching at me. When I held his hands so he couldn't scratch me, he then leaned over and tried to bite my hands so I wouldn't hold them. Kicking, screaming, and head-butting ensued. I have, on occasion, tried putting him down to throw his tantrum on the floor, but he wouldn't be put down - kept reaching for me, batting and clawing, so I held him, held his hands so he couldn't scratch or bite, etc. This went on for 15-20 minutes (with me calmly talking to him, asking him to stop), before he finally calmed down enough so that I could talk to him and get him to acknowledge the issues with the tantrum, and ultimately the issue with the toy in the mouth that started the whole thing. Once we're straight again, we just have to snuggle and calm down together for a few minutes before moving on to something else.
But they are getting better. Don't get me wrong, he still has them regularly, and occasionally a really long nasty one, like the one from earlier this week. But overall, they seem to be getting less frequent and less severe. Yesterday, for example, he was holding a plastic light-saber-type sword, and hit Elijah with it. I took the sword away and had him come talk to me. I had him apologize to Elijah, which he did, although reluctantly. Then I let Elijah go back to playing, and took him aside and told him no hitting. He cried and cried and just wanted to be held. When he stopped crying, I had him look at me and told him again for him to acknowledge, which he didn't like, so he scratched at me but wanted to either be held or get down from my lap - not sit on my lap and look at me/talk. When I held his hand and told him no scratching, he stopped. He just cried then, and wanted to be held, and after a few iterations of me repeating the instruction and him crying, he then acknowledged the instruction. I hugged him and then told him he could go play again.
Another time, I gave him his water cup, and he was mad because he wanted some juice in his cup instead of just water. We were getting ready to walk out the door to pick up the kids from school, so I just ignored him. He stood at my feet, jumped up and down trying to get me to pick him up, and screamed at me, even threw himself on the floor a couple times. I just ignored him, and he didn't try to hit or scratch my legs either, which made ignoring him easy - I usually can't ignore the scratching because it hurts! He calmed down in just a minute or so, took his water cup, and went to get his shoes.
When it's just a simple throwing a fit over not getting his way, at times I'm able to talk to James (if I can follow through with it), and ask him if he needs to go to bed - i.e. early naptime/bedtime. He'll usually immediately tell me "No" and stop his fit.
Because he's 2, I know his tantrums probably not going to be gone for good. I worry - probably as most parents do - whether I'm handling them the right way. I know it's best to ignore, but I also don't want to get hurt in the process of ignoring them, so I can't ignore the scratching and hitting when he comes at me. Because of his past - or our lack of knowledge of his past - we have to assume that there is some sort of fear involved in the tantrum, more-so than just a normal 2-year-old, I-didn't-get-my-way tantrum. Fear of being rejected, fear of being physically hurt, etc. So treading lightly in that area involves creative parenting techniques.
Maybe we're doing something right, though, because we are seeing progress! He is learning that tantrums don't work to get his way. He is learning that hitting, kicking, scratching, biting, and head-butting are not OK. He is learning that he does not like to get put in bed because of throwing a fit.
At any rate, James has been challenging us the last few weeks with some tantrums. The first few weeks he was home, we were almost exclusively using redirection as our discipline technique, but he's getting more comfortable and he's testing his boundaries. He's too smart for, "James, let's play trucks!" when he knows we don't want him to push all the enticing buttons at the entertainment center, for example.
It usually is set off by him not getting his way - usually being told no (which we try to avoid if possible, but it's not always possible). If he doesn't obey, we tell him no a little more sternly. If he still doesn't obey, we remove him from the situation he was told no about (non-food in mouth, hitting a sibling, touching something he shouldn't, etc), either by taking away a toy, moving him away from the thing he shouldn't touch/hit, etc. Occasionally it's something we're asking him to do, like coming to us, putting something somewhere, sharing a toy with someone, etc.
James' tantrums aren't just the type where he throws himself on the floor. He wants to be held when he gets corrected, which I find to be reassuring - attachment-wise, meaning that he wants reassurance that we still love him when he's disciplined, which we easily give. However, he also can get really angry, so in addition to wanting to be held, he'll come running to the parent who's told him no, and hit us and tell us "No!" when he gets across the room.
This results in us holding his hands during the tantrum so as not to get hurt, which can cause things to explode. When he finally calms down, we reiterate the instruction and have him apologize and acknowledge the instruction. Sometimes it takes a few times and slight relapses into the tantrum before we get to this point. It can take 20 minutes to get to the point of him calming down too, which is really difficult and exhausting - both physically and emotionally for both of us!
Earlier this week, James was putting something in his mouth. I casually asked him to take it out of his mouth, which he did for a second, but immediately put it back in, smiling. I repeated the instruction, which he again disregarded, and then I took the toy away and put it out of his reach. He ran over to me, crying, and punched me on the legs. I picked him up, and told him he couldn't put that in his mouth, and he couldn't hit me. He exploded! He repeated the hitting and started scratching at me. When I held his hands so he couldn't scratch me, he then leaned over and tried to bite my hands so I wouldn't hold them. Kicking, screaming, and head-butting ensued. I have, on occasion, tried putting him down to throw his tantrum on the floor, but he wouldn't be put down - kept reaching for me, batting and clawing, so I held him, held his hands so he couldn't scratch or bite, etc. This went on for 15-20 minutes (with me calmly talking to him, asking him to stop), before he finally calmed down enough so that I could talk to him and get him to acknowledge the issues with the tantrum, and ultimately the issue with the toy in the mouth that started the whole thing. Once we're straight again, we just have to snuggle and calm down together for a few minutes before moving on to something else.
But they are getting better. Don't get me wrong, he still has them regularly, and occasionally a really long nasty one, like the one from earlier this week. But overall, they seem to be getting less frequent and less severe. Yesterday, for example, he was holding a plastic light-saber-type sword, and hit Elijah with it. I took the sword away and had him come talk to me. I had him apologize to Elijah, which he did, although reluctantly. Then I let Elijah go back to playing, and took him aside and told him no hitting. He cried and cried and just wanted to be held. When he stopped crying, I had him look at me and told him again for him to acknowledge, which he didn't like, so he scratched at me but wanted to either be held or get down from my lap - not sit on my lap and look at me/talk. When I held his hand and told him no scratching, he stopped. He just cried then, and wanted to be held, and after a few iterations of me repeating the instruction and him crying, he then acknowledged the instruction. I hugged him and then told him he could go play again.
Another time, I gave him his water cup, and he was mad because he wanted some juice in his cup instead of just water. We were getting ready to walk out the door to pick up the kids from school, so I just ignored him. He stood at my feet, jumped up and down trying to get me to pick him up, and screamed at me, even threw himself on the floor a couple times. I just ignored him, and he didn't try to hit or scratch my legs either, which made ignoring him easy - I usually can't ignore the scratching because it hurts! He calmed down in just a minute or so, took his water cup, and went to get his shoes.
When it's just a simple throwing a fit over not getting his way, at times I'm able to talk to James (if I can follow through with it), and ask him if he needs to go to bed - i.e. early naptime/bedtime. He'll usually immediately tell me "No" and stop his fit.
Because he's 2, I know his tantrums probably not going to be gone for good. I worry - probably as most parents do - whether I'm handling them the right way. I know it's best to ignore, but I also don't want to get hurt in the process of ignoring them, so I can't ignore the scratching and hitting when he comes at me. Because of his past - or our lack of knowledge of his past - we have to assume that there is some sort of fear involved in the tantrum, more-so than just a normal 2-year-old, I-didn't-get-my-way tantrum. Fear of being rejected, fear of being physically hurt, etc. So treading lightly in that area involves creative parenting techniques.
Maybe we're doing something right, though, because we are seeing progress! He is learning that tantrums don't work to get his way. He is learning that hitting, kicking, scratching, biting, and head-butting are not OK. He is learning that he does not like to get put in bed because of throwing a fit.
Friday, March 1, 2013
One Month Left
So today is March 1.
I've been off work for 8 weeks now.
James has been home for 7 weeks.
I have 4 weeks left on my FMLA leave from work.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this time off.
Twelve weeks goes entirely too quickly!
April 1 is going to be hard.
I've been off work for 8 weeks now.
James has been home for 7 weeks.
I have 4 weeks left on my FMLA leave from work.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this time off.
Twelve weeks goes entirely too quickly!
April 1 is going to be hard.
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