Kaylen’s Gotcha Day – 5th Anniversary

After a couple brief visits, and a weekend visit, Kaylen came to live with us on March 23, 2006. I can’t believe it’s been 5 years already! It’s been quite the adventure. Kaylen brings such joy and energy to our lives. She’s a wonderful big sister and a great helper to Mommy & Daddy. She’s bright and cheerful, she’s smart and creative, she’s thoughtful and sweet. She’s a wonderful young lady, and I can’t imagine our family without her.

Here are a few photos of her throughout the years:

Gotcha week
Summer 2006
Adoption Day, November 18, 2006
Fourth Birthday, January 2007
Summer 2007
Fifth Birthday, January 2008
First Day of Kindergarten, August 2008
Sixth Birthday, January 2009
First Day of First Grade, August 2009
Seventh Birthday, January 2010
First Day of Second Grade, August 2010
Eighth Birthday, January 2011

Wigs!

Aunt Debbie came over last Friday, and let the kids try on her wig. Kaylen didn't try it on, but we had great laughs at the little kids' new looks!

Farrell's 10-Week Testing

Yesterday was the end of my 10-week Farrell's class. At the end of the 10 weeks, they do another round of testing to see how far you've come. They take a final photo, and compare it to your original. I won't be sharing that here though.

The measurements are redone - this includes arm, chest, waist, hip and thigh. I didn't really lose much in my arms and chest, but I did lose almost 2 inches on my waist an inch in my thigh, and 4 inches from my hips. I'm still wearing the same clothes but I can tell they're a little looser in those places. I also lost 6 pounds and my bodyfat went down almost 3 percentage points over the 10 weeks.

My fitness scores improved greatly. At the beginning, I could only do 15 push-ups and 17 sit-ups in one minute each, and my sit-and-reach was 20.25 inches. Yesterday, my sit-and-reach was 23.25 inches, and I did 62 push-ups and 35 sit-ups in one minute each.

My one-mile run started 12:44, improved to 10:49 at 5 weeks, and yesterday I knocked off almost another minute and ran it in 9:52. I couldn't believe it! I even still had to stop and walk for a 1/2 block since I couldn't breathe very well. I had to get out my inhaler afterwards, and was wheezing much of the day from breathing in the cold 25- to 30-degree air.

Last night, Farrell's hosted a party for those that completed the 10 weeks, plus coaches and instructors. Lance Farrell, as well as the managers for each central Iowa location, were there to present awards for the most improved student at each location. They showed their before and after photos, and how much they'd improved in the testing. The results were amazing to see, and very motivating as well. We also thought it was very amusing seeing people outside of the 5:15 am training. Everyone looks so different dressed up, hair and make-up done, etc. :)

So, where do I go from here? Well, I've signed up to continue doing the kickboxing and resistance training. I'm not where I want to be yet as far as weight and body shape, so I want to continue making progress and not go right back to where I was. I'm taking the weekend off of the nutrition plan, but am going to go right back to it tomorrow.

I'm also going to do the fitness stuff a little bit differently. I'm only going to go to Farrell's 4 days per week instead of 6. The other three days I'm going to train for a 5k that I want to run the first weekend in June. I think I finally have shoes that aren't going to cause me shin splints, and I just might be able to finish the 5k in less than an hour that they have the course open - ha! I definitely don't think I can keep up the 10-minute pace for 3.1 miles, and I may have to stop and walk part of it again. But I should be able to breathe a little better than I did yesterday, because the weather should be warmer in June. :)

Spring Break!

This is spring break week around here. Mother Nature certainly has obliged, even though it is not officially spring until next week. Normal high temps this time of year are high 40s. Monday and Tuesday we had highs in the 50s, and Wednesday it was 68 degrees! The sunshine has been beautiful as well! Today is supposed to be 70. Then temps going back down to near normal temps Friday thru Sunday, and chances of rain again.

I'm so glad we were able to enjoy spring break while the beautiful weather lasted. I took the week off work to spend time with the kids. We've had such a fun time, since we didn't have to be cooped up in the house all week!

Monday we headed over to a local college, as Kaylen was helping a student (also a daycare teacher) with an education research project. Elijah and Josephine just took a walk around campus while we waited for her to finish. It was a little chilly but nice to get outside. That afternoon, after naps, we met some friends at a city park near our house that has a nice playground.

Tuesday, the Daylight Savings Time switch caught up to me, and I missed my 5:15 Farrell's class. I was so frustrated with this being the last week of the 10-week challenge, I really couldn't miss, and the 5:15 class is the only one that worked with our schedule... unless I drug the kids along. So that's what I had to do. Luckily the 8:15 am class had only 6 people, and the kids did fairly sitting, watching, and drinking their smoothies for breakfast. They had each brought one toy to play with too, so that helped... sort of. :)

Tuesday afternoon we decided we should try out different playgrounds around town, so headed to another city park. The playground wasn't that great, and we happened to go right when the sun went behind a few clouds. We played for a bit, then took a quick walk on the connected trail system, before we headed home.

Yesterday was a great day! I had an errand I had to run without the kids, and my friend called me that morning and invited us to come over to play. So the kids played, we chatted, then I snuck out to run my errand and picked up six Happy Meals on the way back (Wednesdays are $2 Happy Meals in town). We came home for naps, and then met them again at an elementary school playground later in the afternoon. I must say that was the funnest playground we've gone to this week.

Not sure what the plans are tomorrow and Friday. There are some St. Patrick's Day festivities downtown, but not sure we want to do that either - the parade is at noon, and the rest of the activities are after the parade. That kind of cuts into naptime, and we have Bible study tomorrow night. Maybe we'll just play at home a little more, and head to a park again - or maybe I'll make up some corned beef and cabbage to celebrate my Irish heritage. We've also talked about meeting Daddy one day for lunch and then going to an early afternoon movie. I'm not sure how to do it though, as I'm not comfortable leaving two in the movie if one needs a potty break. Maybe we'll have to wait and do that on Saturday when Daddy can come to the movie with us.

Another Potty Update

Elijah has been doing awesome with his potty training. He didn't get stamps on his calendar for Sunday or Monday, but both times it was for a nap-time accident - he was dry the remainder of those days. He got one yesterday and today. :)

I'm mostly sending him to the bathroom about every 1 to 1-1/2 hours. If I forget or if he's drunk a lot of water, he'll tell me when he has to go - YEAH!!!

We have been heading to a park each afternoon this week, and they don't have the kybos back in yet this spring, so that has been interesting. But boys are much easier than girls in that respect if you know what I mean. ;)

Elijah "Reading"

Josephine and Elijah were doing such an awesome job reading books about a week ago, I just had to record them.

Elijah started out with a "Clifford" book that he didn't really know. But then he went and got "Green Eggs and Ham". The recording is VERY quiet, so turn off my music player (on my right sidebar), and turn UP your volume as high as it will go.

And for some hints on what he's saying:
He calls the book, "Green Ham", but even says, "By Doctor Suess".
For about the first half of the movie he mostly just says, "(I don't) like them anywhere," with a vew "Try some!" mixed in.
It's really cute when he gets to the "(I don't) like them in a house, and him," pointing to the mouse.
He moves on to, "(I don't) like them in a boat/car/choo-choo train/water".
He gets confused about the "in the dark" page, but continues on.
Towards the end, he starts saying "Try some!" a little more, then gasps and says, "Uh-oh, he's gonna eat it! Yummy! I like it! Eat it anywhere... yummy... Eat it all gone!
Then I helped him say the words on the last page, and he says, "Be end."

Before I could turn off the camera he says, "My turn?", because he and Josephine were taking turns reading on the camera.

Josephine chose a book she didn't really know and just kept repeating the same sentence over and over again. It also was about a 4-page book because it was one of those Scholastic promotional freebies. So I'm going to try to get a better recording of her reading before I post it.

Crazy Hair!!!

Nope, this hair episode is not about Josephine's hair. Awana Sparks had their crazy hair night last Sunday. Kaylen started this idea and I helped her add to it.
I certainly thought she was the craziest of the girls, but someone had a cute Cindy Lou Hoo hairstyle that won the prize. She wasn't all that disappointed though, and had a lot of fun with it. Afterwards, we we had to race home and eat supper fast so we had time to wash the craziness out before bedtime, so she was normal for school the next day.

Josephine did get a good laugh out of Kaylen's crazy hair - she was literally laughing out loud hysterically. She kept talking about her crazy hair. When we take out her braids and twists, she likes to go look in the mirror before washing and putting in a new style. We call it crazy or silly hair, so she thought it was neat that Kaylen could have silly hair. :)

Potty Training Update

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it to spring break before we switched Elijah back out of pull-ups. Well, we didn’t - we switched a week early. :)

Here’s a photo of where we were at as far as dry days as of last Sunday night. Now, I must preface this with the understanding that I’m not entirely sure how accurate this is. While he’s at daycare, I don’t know if he has accidents unless he tells me. His teacher(s) can sometimes tell me, but the ones that are there in the morning have left already when I pick him up in the afternoon, so I really only get info about his late morning through afternoon. I’d ask him if he was dry all day, and sometimes he’d tell me that he had an accident, but most days he’d tell me he was “dry aaaallllllll day!” I took his word for it, and I think it really helped with the motivation when he’d get a stamp that night – he was so proud of those stamps!

So Monday, I sent him off in big-boy undies. When I picked him up that afternoon, I was a little disappointed – although not really surprised – to see a bag of wet clothes - he'd had two accidents. :( Tuesday and Wednesday each day had one accident, so that was some improvement.

Thursday when I got to daycare, I was happy to see his back-ups bag still full, and no wet clothes bag! :) He was playing outside in his boots and snow pants when I picked him up, so the teacher came inside with me, we checked to make sure he was still dry, and he got a piece of candy as a reward. He was so proud of that candy, he didn’t want to throw away the wrapper – and even showed it to Daddy when he got home! Then he said he wanted to eat it… um… it was already eaten, so we asked him to throw it away so he wouldn’t eat the wrapper, and he was very upset. So, we let him keep it in his pocket – it’ll get thrown out in the laundry.

Friday was also a "dry allllll day" day. Today he has been dry all day as well - he even went a couple times without having to be reminded (and asked while we were at Walmart this morning), and was dry through naptime. So, likely he will have three or four stamps (depending on tomorrow) for this week added to what he had thru last week. :)

It's now spring break around here, and I took the week off to spend time with the kids instead of sending them to daycare. I’m hoping I’ll be able to keep him dry all week! We’ll see how he does at home versus daycare. At daycare they’ve been reminding him go to the bathroom every hour. At home I don’t do it quite that often – maybe every couple hours – and he’s been keeping his pull-ups dry on the weekends. I also think I’ll probably remind him more often if we go somewhere or even if we’re home, for fear of having to clean up carpet puddles since he’s no longer in pull-ups. Since we don’t have a fun water fountain, I think he doesn’t drink as much water when he’s at home as he does at daycare, so that should help too.

Disney World

So, we’re planning a trip to Walt Disney World for this fall. We're excited, but there are lots of decisions to make yet!

We debated driving vs flying, but decided for the safety and timing, we should fly. We all want to arrive alive :), and we don't want to use up two extra vacation days for travel. We’ll be flying down on a Saturday and back the following Saturday, with 5 days to hit the Disney parks (one each day plus an extra to decide where we want to go back to), plus one day for Sea World.

We debated staying on- vs off-site, but decided to stay onsite at a Disney resort, for the convenience. Even though Jock is familiar with Orlando, having lived there for a while, we decided having Disney take care of transportation and our luggage, when we have three kids’ hands to hold would be very helpful. Then we can enjoy it, take it all in, and not have to deal with maps, parking, etc. Also, we will likely be going to the parks when they open, coming back to the hotel for afternoon naps or cooling off a bit by the pool, then heading back to the park or to another resort’s restaurant/activity for the late afternoon/evening – so the location is important.

So, for those of you who have “done” Disney, what are your tips and suggestions?

What rides and shows should we be sure to do/see or skip? Keep in mind we’ll have an 8-year-old girl, 5-year-old boy, and 4-year-old girl at the time. We know about fast passes, and do plan to do that.

We want to make a couple dinner reservations now – we’d like to do the Luau at the Polynesian resort. We also want to do breakfast with the characters one morning, but haven’t researched how this works as far as where to go, what characters we want to see, etc. Any other suggestions?

We have a couple kids whose legs might get tired – what do you recommend for a stroller? My double-jogger stroller is not doorway- or air-travel-friendly, and our other is an umbrella stroller. Will that even cut it, or is that best because of the transportation to/from hotel, etc? Or should we rent strollers at the parks? I'm good with a single stroller though, as they can take turns riding.

Any tips for Sea World? How to get there from a Disney resort? What should we skip or be sure to see/do?

We're planning to take a backpack or two for the camera, water bottles, sunscreen/bug spray, change of clothes for my not-so-well-potty-trained kid, rain ponchos, snacks, and souvenirs. Snacks aren’t a problem to bring into the park? Do they dig through bags at the entrance?

Anything else you can thing of that would be helpful – please comment. We’re probably going to be booking things within the next week.

Oh - one more thing... Kaylen's outgrown them, but should we bring J's princess dress-up clothes? :)

Computer Health

I've got some more blog posts and photos in the mill, just haven't gotten them typed up and loaded. My laptop ended up with some sort of error or virus. Late last week my husband was able to do something so I could log in somehow. So, Saturday I spent a bunch of time saving off my important files and photos onto DVDs, before he completely wiped off everything and reinstalled Windows and the other main components that came with the computer. Since then I've been spending much of my free time installing Windows updates and a few essential programs. The regular blogging will be back soon.

Hair, Feb2011

Josephine's hair has grown SO MUCH!!! I had it in chunky twists for the last 4-6 weeks, so I'd forgotten how long it'd gotten until I did box braids again last weekend. Thought I'd go back and compare her hair lengths from the other times I've done her hair in box braids.

February 2011 - if you consider that the bottom inch is folded under the beads - and if it's combed straight and not braided, it comes half-way down her back:
September 2010 - a little harder to tell length with it pulled into ponies, but still:
July 2010
April 2010:
January 2010 - not even reaching her collar - it was so hard to braid at this length:
...and because Elijah didn't want to miss out on the picture-taking last weekend - this is his most recent haircut (We'd actually let his hair grow out since Christmas, but it was getting unruly and he wanted it cut.):

Adoption Issues: Birth Family Fantasies

Without going into too many details, we do have one child so far who has come up with some elaborate and some simple stories of things that she “remembers”. We have countered this not by calling them out as fantasies, as we really have little knowledge of how close to the truth they may or may not be.

However, comments like, “I didn’t know you could remember things when you were that young,” or "I've never heard of that before," or “Hmmmm, that doesn’t sound very good/nice,” or “Oh, that sounds like it would have been wonderful,” show that we empathize with them, while neither calling the story a lie or confirming it's truth. Either could be devastating to them when they’ve formed an opinion about a person whom they have a strong connection to, because of that story/memory.

What we also do is inform them with what we do know about their past, honestly, but making sure that the details shared are appropriate for their age. Comments such as, “She didn’t know how to take care of you to keep you safe and healthy, or “He/she loved you so much that they wanted you to live with a family that could keep you safe and healthy...” have been in the past or will be used in the future with our children. Further details will be discussed as the kids grow up and are old enough to understand certain situations.

Kaylen tends to be very curious about things, and tends to ask questions where the honest answers would be beyond the scope of her understanding. At times, we have to tell her that we know a little bit about the answer to that question, but don't feel like it's the right time to talk about that with her. She has generally been understanding about that too, and it shows her that we're trying to be honest while also not overwhelming her with such adult topics at her age.

On a related note, when questions are asked about the birth families, it's important to never speak negatively about them (although while still being truthful). This is something we learned in our foster parent training, but we've seen it in Kaylen as well. Speaking negatively about a birth parent can be devastating to a child. Even a child separated from a biological mom at birth can have a deep connection with her, and speaking negatively about that person could cause a bitter resentment towards you because of the fantasy they've developed in their mind.

Adoption Issues: Gorging & Hoarding

The gorging on food is very typical for children who’ve been neglected, malnourished. In my experience, with young children, it is not even something they are aware they are doing, but two of my children, at one time or another, have each consumed more volume than Jock and I combined – and we are not small eaters. That’s not to say that they weren’t miserable afterwards – even at times to the point of vomiting because of being too full. However, from our experience, this is something we have to let them do. They will eventually learn that we always have enough food to eat, and they don’t need to worry about when they will get their next meal.

Hoarding toys, food, etc. is a similar issue to the food gorging. It has some to do with how little they have had (or perceived they had) in the past and how much they have access to now. It also has a LOT to do with the loss that they’ve experience in their lives. When you have lost so much, the hoarding is a way to hang on to something that you hold dear – no matter how trivial a little plastic puppy toy (or the like) seems to be.

When Elijah & Josephine first came home, their favorite "toy" was any bag or box filled with as many things as they could stuff inside. They would empty it, guard the contents, while looking things over, rearrange them, refill the bag, and continue walking around with it. With time and some patience over some of the fighting over contents, we have overcome this for the most part.

Sharing is occurring a lot more than it used to in our household – although we do still have certain toys that belong to just one child, rather than the family-shared toys. I think this definitely has helped them to have a sense that something belongs to them, and they don’t need to hoard any more. We do at times see this behavior re-emerge, but it is now more of a rivalry or a teasing of each other, and a possessive, “Mine!” attitude than anything else.

Adoption Issues: Inappropriate Affection

The inappropriate actions towards stranger is another related behavior. All children likely go through a stage of this, but with adopted children it is more common, because the changes in who their parent(s) is/are, has been confusing to them. They have not had one or two people they could trust to meet their needs in their lifetime.

In response to this confusion, they often reach out to whomever is convenient or appealing to them (pretty hair/jewelry, looks like them, smiles at them, is having fun with their children, has a snack within eyesight, etc) to meet a need.

At times, this can be very difficult, emotionally, for an adoptive parent. For example, two of my children, at one point or another, have turned the other way for a hug and kiss from a daycare provider as soon as I’ve walked into the room to pick them up from their day there. Discussions have been had with daycare providers and also strangers, that we are working on appropriate boundaries with strangers, and would like them to not hug and kiss our child, etc.

Consider how difficult this would be with a good friend of yours. I give a hug to my good friends frequently. The child will follow suit, but may not even have met the friend before. Or, a very child-friendly acquaintance at church, who frequently gives hugs to children – even though they may not even know the child.

These are difficult situations to navigate, especially with adults not familiar with adoption and attachment issues. They may feel offended, or may also be very understanding. We’ve found high-fives to be a good alternative. Also, as I've become more experienced in my parenting, I'm more able to say to the random stranger whom my child gives a hug in Menards, who says, "Oh, that's OK" when I correct my child: “Well, we’re working on having appropriate boundaries with strangers...”

Adoption Issues: Testing

I have seen many children (nieces/nephews, friends’ children, etc) act out to seek attention, and test just how far they can push their parents in order to get their way with sometime. With my adopted children, I have seen the same thing.

However, at times, I can see it in their eyes (and even heard it in their words), that the testing is more of they type where they are trying to determine whether we really love them, whether we’ll still be their parents, or whether, like in the past, they will be moved to a new home/family if things don’t work out. They are testing whether they can trust us to be their forever families.

With the losses they’ve experienced in their lives, it is paramount that while disciplining the behaviors, we also ensure our children that we love them and that we will always be here for them. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had to explain to one child that we discipline her because we love her.

We go back to the Bible with the command to parents in Proverbs 6, 12, 15, 23, 29, Ephesians 6, and Hebrews 12. Hebrews 12:11 was a memory verse that went along with a devotion for Kaylen at one point.

Adoption Issues

A while back another adoptive mom challenged adoptive families to be more open about the challenges about adoption. I’ll be honest, when most people ask me how things are going or how the kids are doing, I tend to say that things are going really well. It’s true. I’ve been so impressed at how well Elijah & Josephine have adjusted to life in America – new family, new home, new language, new daycare, new routines, new rules, etc. But, yes, we have had our challenges too, with all three of our children.

Kaylen’s adoption was via the state system, so before she came to live with us, we had obtained our foster care license. This included a 30-hour training course, called PS-MAPP. It was team-taught by an foster/adoptive parent, and a case worker – who in our case, was also an experienced foster parent. The instructors draw from their extensive experience with children of various behaviors and backgrounds to give excellent examples throughout the course. It opened our eyes to a wealth of knowledge, much of which we’d never considered before. It really makes you consider certain scenarios that could develop, and how you would handle them – or even make you think about whether you’d be open to considering a child with certain behaviors/backgrounds.

Even having taken this class, I’d say that we still probably went into parenting with blinders on. And really, how much can you prepare for something, but until you’re really doing it, do you really know?! There have been certain issues that we had talked about and had known exactly how we would address, only to have changed the plan the minute the situation presented itself. Some things just depend on the child and how they take certain things, etc. It’s really been a learning experience, but then, what parenting experience isn’t?!

Some examples of issues we’ve had in our home with one or more children:

* Inappropriate actions towards strangers or even family acquaintances. For example, saying “I love you” and giving hugs to complete strangers, hugs and hanging on friends/teachers/distant family.

* Overly charming behaviors in public, immediately changed to disobedience when in t he home – or even when with one parent vs another. This includes false victimization for attention.

* Creating false memories or fantasizing regarding past (both positive and negative)

* Night terrors, and fear of even moderately loud household noises.

* Hoarding (toys, food, etc.)

* Gorging on food

* Stealing, cheating, blatant lying

* Acting out to seek attention, testing

* Medical issues, with unknown family medical histories

* Developmental delays – physical, social, educational

Obviously some of these things are or can be typical in some situations with children who weren’t adopted. I have been told this MANY times by other parents, “Oh, that’s normal, all/my kids do/did that.” I cannot exactly put into words how it is different for our children, in an environment where we are trying to promote attachment, but it is. We have even had family and very close friends tell us this, only to spend more time with us and/or our children, and realize what we mean.

I’ll address a few of these in more detail in the next few days.