Just some observations about James' English-speaking skills...
James is talking like crazy. He's been repeating after us all along, but is now starting to say some more common phrases on his own now, without being prompted. One of the funnier ones, is when you give him something (like his supper plate), he'll say, "Thank you. You're welcome." Comes from us telling him to say, "Thank you," then responding with, "You're welcome," and he repeats after that too - just now he's saying both on his own.
When James first came home, we were using redirection as our discipline technique, almost exclusively - and it worked for a while. But with him getting more comfortable, he's starting to test his boundaries a little bit more. So we're having to discipline him and get a little more stern with our instructions. He usually has one, maybe two, tantrums in a day - usually regarding being told no about something. Sometimes he gets mad and comes crying and hitting. We don't allow the hitting, so holding his hand and telling him, "No hitting, pa frape," will usually erupt into an all-out tantrum. He knows what, "No hitting," means, and he doesn't like that phrase. However, when he calms down from the tantrum, we're teaching him to say, "I'm sorry," and when we reiterate the, "No hitting," he is learning to respond, "Yes Mommy or Daddy". He is also saying, "I'm sorry," on his own when he realizes someone's hurt after he's done something. He is answering, "Yes," when we ask him to do something as well - even little things like throwing something in the trash, etc.
When it's time to change James' diaper, he knows how to respond with either, "Yes" or a no-head-shake, when we ask him if he's stinky or poopy. Also sometimes if the answer is yes, he'll just repeat the word stinky or poopy. Sometimes he'll just go get a clean diaper and come tell us he's stinky or poopy. Too funny! Some would say he's ready for potty-training if he knows when he needs a diaper - but he hasn't the slightest clue what to do when he sits on the potty. I've let him sit on it a few times, but I'm not pushing it. Also, when we're changing a stinky diaper, he will say, "Eeeewwwww" when we open it. Too funny!
I think one of James' favorite phrases is, "Uh-oh!"
James is learning to count, and I'm trying to teach him a few colors too. He will say, "two," if I say "one." He will repeat colors after me - my favorite is, "lellow". I'm also working on some vocab words from books, and he's getting better at sitting for some really short books where we can turn pages quickly - and he'll repeat phrases/words after me as I'm reading. He likes to watch TV, and will repeat words that are stressed. The other day they were doing circles, and I showed him some circles today as well. I think he knows what they are now, as later in the day he pointed one out to me, but the word doesn't quite come out right.
When we go up and down stairs, he will say, "Up!" or "Down!" with each step. He asks, "Stairs?" when he wants to go up or down them, then when we've finished going up or down, he'll point to the floor and say, "Down", then to the ceiling and say, "Up."
James still loves his shoes and socks - and now boots, so he knows how to use those words quite well. He loves going places, so he knows what it means when I tell him to get his coat and hat - but he hasn't used those words himself consistently without prompting yet. He wears hats around, but since he doesn't say the word well on his own, he usually just pats his head when he can't find his hat when he wants one.
James is good at saying the following words/phrases at the appropriate times:
Bye-bye, see you later!
Bye-bye, I love you! (VERY funny when he's playing at home, just going in a room and closing a door, then coming right back in and repeating a hundred times!)
Nigh-night, I love you!
Dear God, Thank you ... food ... Mommy, Daddy, Elijah, Josephine, Kaylen ... Amen! (I think the folks sitting near us in church get a kick out of him saying, "Dear God" when I told him it was time to pray, and "Amen" after everyone else had said it. It was rather loud, and cute!)
Brush teeth
Nose, ears, eyes, belly, belly-button
Ooh-ooh-ahh-ahh (and scratching his arm-pits, when he wears his monkey shirt or sees a monkey photo)
Woof-woof (when he sees a dog or a photo of a dog, or pretends to be a dog)
Beep-beep (that's what a car is called, you know!)
Mmmmmmm, yummy!
More
Please (although usually when he says this he just wants water, not using it for anything else quite yet - working on this)
He also knows and understands lots of other phrases, instructions, and questions, just doesn't necessarily repeat them. He gets confused when we say You and Me, which I understand is common, but very cute! He's getting better about when he sees himself in a photo or a mirror, pointing to himself and saying, "Me!" Although when he sees a photo of me, he points to himself also - I think he's getting "Mommy" and "Me" confused a bit. ;)
Love, love, LOVE it when Daddy gets home from work, and he runs as fast as his little legs can carry him, hollering, "Daddy! Daddy!" all the way across the kitchen to the entry-way and into Daddy's arms, then proceeds to tell him about his day - just jibber-jabbering, mostly in Kreyol. Jock listens to audio books and used to come in the house with his headphones still in as he finished up a chapter. I told him he needs to finish up and put the headphones away before he walks in the door, so he can experience the joy as well.
James also still speaks some in Kreyol as well...
James has this funny way of talking in Kreyol really fast, where he kind of points his fingers, lowers his chin, and kind of looks like he's letting you have it about something, but half-jokingly. Last week when I took him in for his immunizations, right when the two nurses were finished (they have 2 nurses so they can get it done twice as fast - three pokes in each leg) he did this at them. SOOOOOO funny! He immediately perked up when I stood him up to pull his pants back up, then as they were walking out of the room he did it to them. I don't think they noticed that they were being chewed out though.
James also still talks in really fast Kreyol when he's really excitedly playing. The older kids like to get him going, because it's so funny to listen to!
Jock and I were just remarking tonight at how well James is talking. I don't think Elijah and Josephine were really talking much until about 4 months home - although they also understood us a lot of what we said to them this soon. I'm certain that they weren't talking much, even in Kreyol, at the orphanage where they were at. Their orphanage also didn't provide much individual attention to the babies like GLA does, which I'm sure is some of the big difference in James' language skills compared to theirs. At any rate, it's amazing to me how quickly young children learn a language. It's so fun to hear James' progress in how quickly he is speaking so well!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Sledding!
I know, we're lame parents. In nearly 7 years of parenting, we've never taking our kids sledding! Kaylen may have been sledding before with other family or friends, but the other three had not. We didn't even own sleds!
James hadn't even been out playing in the snow yet. The foot of snow that we got during the blizzard right before Christmas mostly melted the week we were in Haiti. Then when we did get an inch or two a couple more times since we've been home, it either turned bitterly cold and/or melted before we had had a chance to play in it. He has been outside when it was snowing, and he had a really funny reaction to it hitting his face - very curious, and laughing hysterically at it. One time Jock brought in a little chunk of snow and handed it to James, and this was his reaction to it:
Well, we got about 5 inches of snow Thursday, and since it wasn't supposed to be too bitterly cold, we went out and and purchased a few sleds last night to use today.
We all had a lot of fun sledding. Just the older kids' excitement was enough to get James excited. When we asked last night if the kids wanted to go sledding on our way to purchase sleds, there was a chorus of hollering "YES!"es in the car, followed by James hollering "YES!" from his car seat as well, even though he had no idea what we were talking about. :)
We had a big breakfast, did a few chores, then decided to go in the morning, before naptime - even though we'd thought we'd wait and go after James' nap. The kids were jumping up and down when we decided it was time to get ready to go.
All the kids -- and the adults -- had fun sledding! We went to a park less than a mile from our house. It's a popular sledding location in town, but since it was in the morning, it wasn't too busy. Good thing, because we're not so good at steering our sleds, not running into each other, and walking up the hill the area where a tree was located instead of straight up the middle where everyone else is sledding! With the big kids I wouldn't have been too worried, but with James being new at playing in snow, it was nice to have a section of the hill all to ourselves.
Here are a few photos of the fun:
The fun ended when James and Josephine wiped out and face planted in the snow. Turns out James isn't a fan of having snow on his face! It took a lot to even get him back on the sled, but somehow Jock got him back up the hill. I went down with him once more (against his will), thinking he'd be OK again if he had another fun slide down. But he still wasn't happy. He was actually acting scared of the sled, so we decided to cut our losses and call it a day. The other kids got a couple more quick trips down the hill, and we were ready to go.
On the way back to the car, we decided to plop down and make snow angels. Classic snow play! Of course, we had to show James how, but he picked it up in no time! :)
Not bad for our first time sledding! Hopefully we get another chance to try it out before spring arrives. Although we're also hoping spring arrives soon. :)
When we got home, the kids played outside in the backyard for a bit. We mostly just played on the swing set. We tried making snowmen, thinking the temps may have warmed up close enough to freezing to make it stick, but it wasn't to be. The snow is too dry.
James hadn't even been out playing in the snow yet. The foot of snow that we got during the blizzard right before Christmas mostly melted the week we were in Haiti. Then when we did get an inch or two a couple more times since we've been home, it either turned bitterly cold and/or melted before we had had a chance to play in it. He has been outside when it was snowing, and he had a really funny reaction to it hitting his face - very curious, and laughing hysterically at it. One time Jock brought in a little chunk of snow and handed it to James, and this was his reaction to it:
Well, we got about 5 inches of snow Thursday, and since it wasn't supposed to be too bitterly cold, we went out and and purchased a few sleds last night to use today.
We all had a lot of fun sledding. Just the older kids' excitement was enough to get James excited. When we asked last night if the kids wanted to go sledding on our way to purchase sleds, there was a chorus of hollering "YES!"es in the car, followed by James hollering "YES!" from his car seat as well, even though he had no idea what we were talking about. :)
We had a big breakfast, did a few chores, then decided to go in the morning, before naptime - even though we'd thought we'd wait and go after James' nap. The kids were jumping up and down when we decided it was time to get ready to go.
All the kids -- and the adults -- had fun sledding! We went to a park less than a mile from our house. It's a popular sledding location in town, but since it was in the morning, it wasn't too busy. Good thing, because we're not so good at steering our sleds, not running into each other, and walking up the hill the area where a tree was located instead of straight up the middle where everyone else is sledding! With the big kids I wouldn't have been too worried, but with James being new at playing in snow, it was nice to have a section of the hill all to ourselves.
Here are a few photos of the fun:
The fun ended when James and Josephine wiped out and face planted in the snow. Turns out James isn't a fan of having snow on his face! It took a lot to even get him back on the sled, but somehow Jock got him back up the hill. I went down with him once more (against his will), thinking he'd be OK again if he had another fun slide down. But he still wasn't happy. He was actually acting scared of the sled, so we decided to cut our losses and call it a day. The other kids got a couple more quick trips down the hill, and we were ready to go.
On the way back to the car, we decided to plop down and make snow angels. Classic snow play! Of course, we had to show James how, but he picked it up in no time! :)
Not bad for our first time sledding! Hopefully we get another chance to try it out before spring arrives. Although we're also hoping spring arrives soon. :)
When we got home, the kids played outside in the backyard for a bit. We mostly just played on the swing set. We tried making snowmen, thinking the temps may have warmed up close enough to freezing to make it stick, but it wasn't to be. The snow is too dry.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
"They're So Lucky!"
Before I start, I want to say: please don’t take this post as a rant. I am not angry. I simply intend it to be informational.
So I’ve been told MANY times over the last 7 years, many variations of the comment, “Your kids are so lucky!” That’s a hard comment for an adoptive parent to respond to, for a couple reasons.
First, (at least for us) we didn’t just adopt because we’re some outstanding, upstanding citizens. Absolutely, we wanted to provide a child a home, but we also wanted to have a family. We were not able to have biological children, so honestly, that was our first reason for adopting. If we’d been able to have biological children, the possibility of adopting may not have even crossed our minds. Now, there’s a much longer story to this, that I believe that God used the heartache and trials we went through with infertility to bring us to his plan for our lives, to adopt our 4 children. The “What-Ifs” could go on and on, but to have a family was our primary reason for adopting. God blessed US with these children. Yes, I pray every day that I can be a blessing to each one of my children. But if you asked them some days if they were lucky to have us as parents, they might think back through us making them help with dishes, do their homework, or behave at school before they’re allowed certain privileges, they might say no. Ha!
Secondly, and this one is a little harder for many people to hear… No child who has been adopted has had a beautiful, wonderful life. The kids have come to this place in their lives from such loss that most people, including myself, may never experience. Think about it. You were born to a family who couldn’t or wouldn’t take care of you, into poverty or abuse or health crisis or neglect. You were torn from everything you’ve ever known – even if it wasn’t that great to begin with, and sent to – or left at – an orphanage or a strange foster home. You lived there for several months or a couple years – sometimes having visits with your biological parent(s), which confused you a lot. Then after living in that orphanage or foster home, you were yet again torn away from what you know – that you may or may not have gotten used to – and sent somewhere else strange to live. They eat different foods. They look different. They may speak a different language or maybe a few words that you know but they don’t understand you. There are two parents who tell you they love you and you’re safe (what’s that?!?). You’re scared, confused, vulnerable, sad, angry. You are grieving all you’ve lost in your short life. You wonder if these new people will stick this time, and if not, when your next move will be. You start to trust them, ever so slightly, only for those fears to creep back in. They try to help you understand, and tell you again that it’s safe, that they’re here for you, they’re your forever family. It seems that maybe, just maybe, these new parents are in this for the long haul… maybe. Can I trust them?
Adoption is messy. It’s not easy. The cycles of grief and renewing trust and hope and love, repeat themselves day after day, month after month, year after year with some kids. The kids aren’t lucky. But I understand the comment, and I don’t fault people making that comment. I may have said the same comment to others prior to adopting myself – or maybe even since adopting, before I had a chance to think through my own thoughts on my children’s pasts. I know the comment comes from a lack of understanding, of not knowing – or maybe even not wanting to know – the messy details. (It’s not appropriate for adoptive parents to share all of their children’s messy details with everyone anyway.) I’m a non-confrontational person, so instead of responding with the big long explanation, I usually respond with some variation of, “Well, they’re God’s blessing to us, and I pray we’re a blessing to them.” Because that’s what you mean. You’re not thinking about what was in their past that brought them to us. You’re thinking of what could be possible for them in the future that may not have been possible had they remained in their previous situation. Our children, we pray, have a bright future ahead of them. We pray every day that the Lord guide us to help them in their healing and trusting, and learning to love again, and achieve their full potential of what God has planned for them, after their lives were shattered at such a young age.
So I’ve been told MANY times over the last 7 years, many variations of the comment, “Your kids are so lucky!” That’s a hard comment for an adoptive parent to respond to, for a couple reasons.
First, (at least for us) we didn’t just adopt because we’re some outstanding, upstanding citizens. Absolutely, we wanted to provide a child a home, but we also wanted to have a family. We were not able to have biological children, so honestly, that was our first reason for adopting. If we’d been able to have biological children, the possibility of adopting may not have even crossed our minds. Now, there’s a much longer story to this, that I believe that God used the heartache and trials we went through with infertility to bring us to his plan for our lives, to adopt our 4 children. The “What-Ifs” could go on and on, but to have a family was our primary reason for adopting. God blessed US with these children. Yes, I pray every day that I can be a blessing to each one of my children. But if you asked them some days if they were lucky to have us as parents, they might think back through us making them help with dishes, do their homework, or behave at school before they’re allowed certain privileges, they might say no. Ha!
Secondly, and this one is a little harder for many people to hear… No child who has been adopted has had a beautiful, wonderful life. The kids have come to this place in their lives from such loss that most people, including myself, may never experience. Think about it. You were born to a family who couldn’t or wouldn’t take care of you, into poverty or abuse or health crisis or neglect. You were torn from everything you’ve ever known – even if it wasn’t that great to begin with, and sent to – or left at – an orphanage or a strange foster home. You lived there for several months or a couple years – sometimes having visits with your biological parent(s), which confused you a lot. Then after living in that orphanage or foster home, you were yet again torn away from what you know – that you may or may not have gotten used to – and sent somewhere else strange to live. They eat different foods. They look different. They may speak a different language or maybe a few words that you know but they don’t understand you. There are two parents who tell you they love you and you’re safe (what’s that?!?). You’re scared, confused, vulnerable, sad, angry. You are grieving all you’ve lost in your short life. You wonder if these new people will stick this time, and if not, when your next move will be. You start to trust them, ever so slightly, only for those fears to creep back in. They try to help you understand, and tell you again that it’s safe, that they’re here for you, they’re your forever family. It seems that maybe, just maybe, these new parents are in this for the long haul… maybe. Can I trust them?
Adoption is messy. It’s not easy. The cycles of grief and renewing trust and hope and love, repeat themselves day after day, month after month, year after year with some kids. The kids aren’t lucky. But I understand the comment, and I don’t fault people making that comment. I may have said the same comment to others prior to adopting myself – or maybe even since adopting, before I had a chance to think through my own thoughts on my children’s pasts. I know the comment comes from a lack of understanding, of not knowing – or maybe even not wanting to know – the messy details. (It’s not appropriate for adoptive parents to share all of their children’s messy details with everyone anyway.) I’m a non-confrontational person, so instead of responding with the big long explanation, I usually respond with some variation of, “Well, they’re God’s blessing to us, and I pray we’re a blessing to them.” Because that’s what you mean. You’re not thinking about what was in their past that brought them to us. You’re thinking of what could be possible for them in the future that may not have been possible had they remained in their previous situation. Our children, we pray, have a bright future ahead of them. We pray every day that the Lord guide us to help them in their healing and trusting, and learning to love again, and achieve their full potential of what God has planned for them, after their lives were shattered at such a young age.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Happy 95th Birthday, Grandma!
Wishing my grandma a very happy 95th birthday today!
What a special lady she is! She's always been a picture of love and honor and strength in our family. She's a wonderful follower of Christ, and has shared that with everyone she knows in what she does and says, ever since I was a young child. She was a wonderful cook and baker. She knew how to show her grandkids a fun time - whether it was going for ice cream on a sunny summer afternoon, or camping at the lake for a week. Once we were grown or too busy for summer vacations with Grandma and Grandpa, she kept up with us by attending our school activities. She also wrote the best letters when I was in college - remember when it was awesome to receive mail - now we call it snail mail?!? :)
Wow, what wonderful memories I have of my grandma! It's definitely something to strive for in life, to have such a good role model. Will I be able to share such fun times with my grandchildren? Will they still think grandma's cookies are the best, and that a camping trip to the lake is fun?
hard for me to share with my kids how awesome my grandparents were when I was growing up, and they don't understand because when we go to visit grandma, she can't get around very well anymore. I only wish someday that I can become such a wonderful lady that her grandkids look up to, and remember the fun times with a big smile.
My kids were off school on Monday, for President's Day, so we sat down to make birthday cards for her. It was fun to tell them stories of what I did with my grandparents when I was their age. And it's funny to see their response, when the great-grandma they know can't get around very well anymore. Oh, if they could only see how fun she and Grandpa were! :)
I also included a photo of our family and a personal hand-written note for Grandma. I know she still likes to read, and I hope she's able to enjoy it.
I love you, Grandma!
Monday, February 18, 2013
Valentine's Day 2013
We usually don't do too much hype for Valentine's day, although we do celebrate it. The kids have parties at school, and Jock and I usually exchange small gifts of love.
The kids were super-excited for their parties at school, and I sent them off with their valentine cards to share with their friends. After dropping them off, I met a friend of mine to pick up the cake balls I'd ordered for dessert. Then James and I had a pretty normal day at home - playtime, lunch, naps.
When we went to pick the kids up from school. The parking lot and all the side streets were jammed, probably because of all the parents attending or helping with the parties. So I waited in line on the street to do the drive-through pick-up. Wasn't sure how that was going to work, since my kids were used to coming to a certain section of the parking lot to find me, and I wasn't sure they'd handle something out of the ordinary - I hadn't prepared them for something like that.
Luckily, though, my kids are usually some of the later ones making their way out of school, due to Elijah usually visiting the guidance counselor for a prize at the end of the day. By the time the pick-up line had moved enough for me to get into the parking lot, there were parking spaces in my usual spot. No sooner had I parked, did the kids come down the sidewalk. :)
The kids got to the van, quite full of sugar and excited stores to tell of their parties. James got excited just hearing them! When we got home, the kids played nicely together, which gave me time to put together a fun little supper for them.
At our small-group Bible study that night, the guys had a little surprise for the ladies. When we were done with our studies, they split up the guys and ladies and we were supposed to do a little activity. After a bit, the men came back in with little love notes they read aloud to each of us, and gave us each a rose and they had lots of chocolates to share!
Friday the Valentine's fun continued. Our church hosted a Daddy-Daughter dance. Jock took both of the girls out for a nice dinner, to the dance, and then to Cherry Berry for dessert. Both girls thought it was weird when we called it a date - apparently that's something Mommy should do with Daddy, not his daughters! Kaylen had asked several years if she and Daddy could go to the Daddy-Daughter Dance that the city Parks & Rec department puts on, but it had never worked out for us. This time it worked out perfectly, and even better, it was at our church, so we knew several other families going, and knew it would be a great event.
Kaylen was VERY nervous about having to dress up so nicely. She bargained with me one morning all the way to school, and again later that day to get her to wear pants, or even a less dressy outfit -- just about every outfit in her wardrobe that was even slightly dressy. The fact that it was advertised as a "formal attire" event didn't matter to her. She also even bargained to be permitted to take an extra change of clothes for dinner and dessert before and after the dance. Um, nope. You can tell she's even a little nervous in this photo I took before the left home. Josephine was giddy - she LOVES dressing up!
The girls had a great time at the dance. Josephine also did a little craft and both girls tried hula-hooping. Kaylen's done it before and does quite well with it. Josephine was a beginner, but apparently didn't try very long. I didn't hear a lot about dancing, but I'm sure they did some of that too. :)
The boys and I stayed in, except for a quick trip to Casey's to pick up a pizza for supper. Then we retired to the basement for popcorn and a movie.
I'd say Valentine's Day this year was a grand success!
The kids were super-excited for their parties at school, and I sent them off with their valentine cards to share with their friends. After dropping them off, I met a friend of mine to pick up the cake balls I'd ordered for dessert. Then James and I had a pretty normal day at home - playtime, lunch, naps.
When we went to pick the kids up from school. The parking lot and all the side streets were jammed, probably because of all the parents attending or helping with the parties. So I waited in line on the street to do the drive-through pick-up. Wasn't sure how that was going to work, since my kids were used to coming to a certain section of the parking lot to find me, and I wasn't sure they'd handle something out of the ordinary - I hadn't prepared them for something like that.
Luckily, though, my kids are usually some of the later ones making their way out of school, due to Elijah usually visiting the guidance counselor for a prize at the end of the day. By the time the pick-up line had moved enough for me to get into the parking lot, there were parking spaces in my usual spot. No sooner had I parked, did the kids come down the sidewalk. :)
The kids got to the van, quite full of sugar and excited stores to tell of their parties. James got excited just hearing them! When we got home, the kids played nicely together, which gave me time to put together a fun little supper for them.
At our small-group Bible study that night, the guys had a little surprise for the ladies. When we were done with our studies, they split up the guys and ladies and we were supposed to do a little activity. After a bit, the men came back in with little love notes they read aloud to each of us, and gave us each a rose and they had lots of chocolates to share!
Friday the Valentine's fun continued. Our church hosted a Daddy-Daughter dance. Jock took both of the girls out for a nice dinner, to the dance, and then to Cherry Berry for dessert. Both girls thought it was weird when we called it a date - apparently that's something Mommy should do with Daddy, not his daughters! Kaylen had asked several years if she and Daddy could go to the Daddy-Daughter Dance that the city Parks & Rec department puts on, but it had never worked out for us. This time it worked out perfectly, and even better, it was at our church, so we knew several other families going, and knew it would be a great event.
Kaylen was VERY nervous about having to dress up so nicely. She bargained with me one morning all the way to school, and again later that day to get her to wear pants, or even a less dressy outfit -- just about every outfit in her wardrobe that was even slightly dressy. The fact that it was advertised as a "formal attire" event didn't matter to her. She also even bargained to be permitted to take an extra change of clothes for dinner and dessert before and after the dance. Um, nope. You can tell she's even a little nervous in this photo I took before the left home. Josephine was giddy - she LOVES dressing up!
The girls had a great time at the dance. Josephine also did a little craft and both girls tried hula-hooping. Kaylen's done it before and does quite well with it. Josephine was a beginner, but apparently didn't try very long. I didn't hear a lot about dancing, but I'm sure they did some of that too. :)
The boys and I stayed in, except for a quick trip to Casey's to pick up a pizza for supper. Then we retired to the basement for popcorn and a movie.
I'd say Valentine's Day this year was a grand success!
Saturday, February 9, 2013
James' Adjustment - Attachment
I've gotten several questions from other adoptive parents or soon-to-be adoptive parents ask about attachment/cocooning, so I thought I'd answer here. For our friends who are not adoptive parents, maybe that will help you understand why our family does things certain ways. I know families who've written this up prior to adoption so those close to the family can have a heads up and not "interfere", but we didn't feel that was necessary, and furthermore, you don't always know specifically how things are going to go before you're in the thick of it...
Remember this? You maybe heard of "attachment parenting", but maybe not necessarily in the context of adoption - maybe when the issues of moms breastfeeding their children into the preschool/school-age years. That's not entirely what attachment parenting is to an adoptive mom. In the case of adoption, attachment has to do with the child learning to trust in a caregiver to provide for their basic needs - food, shelter, safety - emotional and physical, comfort, etc. In the case of most biological families, when a baby cries and you change their diaper, feed them, or comfort them, and the cycle repeats itself, the baby learns to rely on you to meet their needs.
In the case of a child that has been adopted, that was not always the case. The fact that a child needs to be adopted, means at some point, the child did not have one or two parents consistently that they learned they could rely on to have their needs met. Maybe the child was neglected/abused. Maybe the parents were not able financially to provide for the child's needs. Maybe the child was well cared-for but felt abandoned when left at an orphanage. Maybe the child was in an orphanage for an extended period of time where they had a revolving door of multiple caregivers, so they could not attach to just one or two as primary caregivers. In these cases, the adoptive parent(s) have some work to do to help the child re-learn to trust and attach to one or two primary caregivers (the adoptive parent(s).
Some recommend that adoptive parents do something called "cocooning" with their adopted children for the first month or few after homecoming. This would be where there is one primary caregiver, usually the mother, who stays home with the child 24/7, cares for every need (feeding, bedtime, clothing, bathing, playing, holding, etc). They do not so much as run an errand to pick up other kids from school or something from the grocery store. Nobody other that immediate family does not enter the home, etc. If someone provides a meal for the family, it is handed over at the doorstep with a very quick hello/thank-you/goodbye.
Cocooning, in its entirety, is not something that works for our family, but there are elements of it that we try to do. We're an on-the-go type family, and it just wouldn't work with our schedules, etc. My husband and I typically work full-time, we have 3 older busy kids, and church activities. I've taken 12 weeks off work to spend with James, but it hasn't been just me being home with him 24/7. So far, I have taken him to pick up the kids at daycare or school, to the grocery store/pharmacy, church, our church small-group, to vote, and on one play date. We have gone to restaurants to eat a couple times. We have had friends visit our house as well.
With the other kids, they do play together a lot, but we've been very clear, and have to keep reminding him, that they are not to give him any instruction - that it's important that we're the ones that James looks to for direction.
We have been careful to not leave James in the care of others at all, i.e. no other adults feeding him, holding him, diapering, etc. I have had someone hold James for a minute while I've put a coat on. I've also had to tell a couple people no when they've tried to help by taking James when I had my hands full - but when James was pitching a fit about something that I wanted to be the one to comfort him and help him understand what was going on. That said, this week at our small-group Bible study, James was back and forth between playing in the basement with the kids and coming to check on me upstairs. But older kids were helping watch the younger ones, so I didn't feel this would be an issue - and it wasn't - mostly because of how James is already attaching to us.
Honestly, I think James is quite well attached to us already - me especially since I am the main caregiver at home (until I go back to work April 1). He comes to us when he's hurt or wants something, he makes good eye contact, he doesn't push back when we try to comfort him or snuggle (except when he wants to be busy playing), etc. When we've been at church and when I visited my office - the only places we've really gone with a crowd of people or lots of strange faces, he snuggles in and clings to us/me, so we know he has a healthy fear of strangers. Our other kids all still struggle with these things at times, even 3 and 7 years post placement. It's been quite refreshing with James, actually.
I imagine that soon we'll start going with James to childcare at church, since he's getting more comfortable and more disruptive. Also, starting sometime next month, we'll have to start visiting the daycare he'll be attending when I go back to work, to start getting him used to the other children and staff there.
In addition, I believe the bedtime issues I've already blogged about might have some to do with abandonment issues. This is why James is sleeping in our room now at least for a while. He still is screaming at bedtime, when we put him or have him crawl into his bed - and even walk across the room to our bed. But since we are consistently staying in the room each time he goes to sleep (naptime and bedtime), at least until he falls asleep, and we're there when he wakes up, it is starting to subside a bit. During naptime, I usually either read or nap in the room. At bedtime, one of us stays until he falls asleep. (Jock and I have been taking turns, and while I'd love to get out of the house to do a mom's night out or something like that in the evenings, I'm not quite ready to be completely out of the house at bedtime. Jock's gone at bedtime on Mondays to take Kaylen to tumbling, but I'm not ready to do it yet.) We usually sneak out after he's asleep, but make sure to have the monitor on just in case he wakes up before we go to bed ourselves. When he wakes up, we usually snuggle for a bit - sometimes he sleeps a little bit longer and sometimes not, but I definitely think the snuggles help the bonding.
I know many other adoptive families have different ways they've dealt with attachment issues. Many people feel strongly about certain techniques or methods, but this is just our way. No two families are the same -- and no two children within one family are the same.
A couple other things I'm thankful for in helping James attach to us:
1) God's Littlest Angles, the orphanage where James lived for 18 months, is set up and run in a fashion to purposely assist in children's attachment. You see, when a child has been able to attach to one or two caregivers in the first two years of his or her life, they are more likely to transfer that attachment to another caregiver more easily. GLA has their nurseries set up such that, even though a child is in a large nursery with approximately 20 other children, they are assigned to two nannies as their primary caregiver, who rotate shifts. Another key to attachment is one-on-one attention, which at GLA is provided for by volunteers that come to visit for 2-week periods of time. They are assigned to a handful of kids, who they spend an hour with each weekday, for one-on-one time. These things combined, I believe have been a huge factor in James' ease of attachment to us.
2) After having met James' birth mother, it was apparent her love for him. I believe she lovingly did her best to care for him in the first 10 months of his life. James went to her when we first walked into the room to meet with her. With him generally being careful when meeting new people, that tells me a lot about how much she loved him and him her, and how well he was taken care of even before being at GLA for 18 months.
Remember this? You maybe heard of "attachment parenting", but maybe not necessarily in the context of adoption - maybe when the issues of moms breastfeeding their children into the preschool/school-age years. That's not entirely what attachment parenting is to an adoptive mom. In the case of adoption, attachment has to do with the child learning to trust in a caregiver to provide for their basic needs - food, shelter, safety - emotional and physical, comfort, etc. In the case of most biological families, when a baby cries and you change their diaper, feed them, or comfort them, and the cycle repeats itself, the baby learns to rely on you to meet their needs.
In the case of a child that has been adopted, that was not always the case. The fact that a child needs to be adopted, means at some point, the child did not have one or two parents consistently that they learned they could rely on to have their needs met. Maybe the child was neglected/abused. Maybe the parents were not able financially to provide for the child's needs. Maybe the child was well cared-for but felt abandoned when left at an orphanage. Maybe the child was in an orphanage for an extended period of time where they had a revolving door of multiple caregivers, so they could not attach to just one or two as primary caregivers. In these cases, the adoptive parent(s) have some work to do to help the child re-learn to trust and attach to one or two primary caregivers (the adoptive parent(s).
Some recommend that adoptive parents do something called "cocooning" with their adopted children for the first month or few after homecoming. This would be where there is one primary caregiver, usually the mother, who stays home with the child 24/7, cares for every need (feeding, bedtime, clothing, bathing, playing, holding, etc). They do not so much as run an errand to pick up other kids from school or something from the grocery store. Nobody other that immediate family does not enter the home, etc. If someone provides a meal for the family, it is handed over at the doorstep with a very quick hello/thank-you/goodbye.
Cocooning, in its entirety, is not something that works for our family, but there are elements of it that we try to do. We're an on-the-go type family, and it just wouldn't work with our schedules, etc. My husband and I typically work full-time, we have 3 older busy kids, and church activities. I've taken 12 weeks off work to spend with James, but it hasn't been just me being home with him 24/7. So far, I have taken him to pick up the kids at daycare or school, to the grocery store/pharmacy, church, our church small-group, to vote, and on one play date. We have gone to restaurants to eat a couple times. We have had friends visit our house as well.
With the other kids, they do play together a lot, but we've been very clear, and have to keep reminding him, that they are not to give him any instruction - that it's important that we're the ones that James looks to for direction.
We have been careful to not leave James in the care of others at all, i.e. no other adults feeding him, holding him, diapering, etc. I have had someone hold James for a minute while I've put a coat on. I've also had to tell a couple people no when they've tried to help by taking James when I had my hands full - but when James was pitching a fit about something that I wanted to be the one to comfort him and help him understand what was going on. That said, this week at our small-group Bible study, James was back and forth between playing in the basement with the kids and coming to check on me upstairs. But older kids were helping watch the younger ones, so I didn't feel this would be an issue - and it wasn't - mostly because of how James is already attaching to us.
Honestly, I think James is quite well attached to us already - me especially since I am the main caregiver at home (until I go back to work April 1). He comes to us when he's hurt or wants something, he makes good eye contact, he doesn't push back when we try to comfort him or snuggle (except when he wants to be busy playing), etc. When we've been at church and when I visited my office - the only places we've really gone with a crowd of people or lots of strange faces, he snuggles in and clings to us/me, so we know he has a healthy fear of strangers. Our other kids all still struggle with these things at times, even 3 and 7 years post placement. It's been quite refreshing with James, actually.
I imagine that soon we'll start going with James to childcare at church, since he's getting more comfortable and more disruptive. Also, starting sometime next month, we'll have to start visiting the daycare he'll be attending when I go back to work, to start getting him used to the other children and staff there.
In addition, I believe the bedtime issues I've already blogged about might have some to do with abandonment issues. This is why James is sleeping in our room now at least for a while. He still is screaming at bedtime, when we put him or have him crawl into his bed - and even walk across the room to our bed. But since we are consistently staying in the room each time he goes to sleep (naptime and bedtime), at least until he falls asleep, and we're there when he wakes up, it is starting to subside a bit. During naptime, I usually either read or nap in the room. At bedtime, one of us stays until he falls asleep. (Jock and I have been taking turns, and while I'd love to get out of the house to do a mom's night out or something like that in the evenings, I'm not quite ready to be completely out of the house at bedtime. Jock's gone at bedtime on Mondays to take Kaylen to tumbling, but I'm not ready to do it yet.) We usually sneak out after he's asleep, but make sure to have the monitor on just in case he wakes up before we go to bed ourselves. When he wakes up, we usually snuggle for a bit - sometimes he sleeps a little bit longer and sometimes not, but I definitely think the snuggles help the bonding.
I know many other adoptive families have different ways they've dealt with attachment issues. Many people feel strongly about certain techniques or methods, but this is just our way. No two families are the same -- and no two children within one family are the same.
A couple other things I'm thankful for in helping James attach to us:
1) God's Littlest Angles, the orphanage where James lived for 18 months, is set up and run in a fashion to purposely assist in children's attachment. You see, when a child has been able to attach to one or two caregivers in the first two years of his or her life, they are more likely to transfer that attachment to another caregiver more easily. GLA has their nurseries set up such that, even though a child is in a large nursery with approximately 20 other children, they are assigned to two nannies as their primary caregiver, who rotate shifts. Another key to attachment is one-on-one attention, which at GLA is provided for by volunteers that come to visit for 2-week periods of time. They are assigned to a handful of kids, who they spend an hour with each weekday, for one-on-one time. These things combined, I believe have been a huge factor in James' ease of attachment to us.
2) After having met James' birth mother, it was apparent her love for him. I believe she lovingly did her best to care for him in the first 10 months of his life. James went to her when we first walked into the room to meet with her. With him generally being careful when meeting new people, that tells me a lot about how much she loved him and him her, and how well he was taken care of even before being at GLA for 18 months.
Friday, February 8, 2013
James' Adjustment - Playing & Siblings
James is a funny, silly, playful kid most of the time. He always has something he's doing:
playing on a toy guitar,
pushing cars and trucks all over,
building with blocks (or rather, knocking over the block towers mommy builds!),
running the train,
or throwing and chasing bouncy balls.
Elijah has been really patient with James, he loves his little brother so much! Although at times he gets a little too rough and we have to remind him that James isn't his size. James loves to play with cars with Elijah.
Something he and Elijah do frequently is push the biggest trucks we have (firetruck and Tonka dump truck) in circles around the furniture or the rooms in the house, racing each other (yes, he knows how to say "Ready, Go!"), then pretend to crash when they get back to the living room and collapse on the carpet.
LOVE the camaraderie between these two. Elijah was in time-out for having to be told too many times he was playing too rough. James kept on playing, but finally came over to sit next to Elijah, even putting his hand on his chin just like Elijah... So cute!!!
James took a while to warm up to Josephine, as she can be a little hyper and in-your-face - like she's trying too hard. I told her that she doesn't need to try to hard to get his attention, but just find something she wants to play with or that she thinks James would like to play with, and go play it. He will then sometimes join her, or sometimes I try to get him to join her. He's warmed up to her better by now. I caught him helping her feed her baby-doll a bottle one day. They also are often found playing with a few bouncy-balls down the front hallway.
Kaylen has been found at times, holding James while watching movies, or showing him things on the iPad. She also likes to try to chase him, and he giggles non-stop running around the house, trying to get caught and tickled! Kaylen was probably the one that was the most worried about us adding to our family. You see, her world was turned upside down when we added Elijah and Josephine to the family. She also though since James is a boy that he would be just like Elijah, who she doesn't always get along with the best. But there's enough age difference, that there's a cuteness factor, and she's really taken on a great big-sister role. She's super-helpful when I just need help keeping him occupied while I get something accomplished without him under-foot.
James has been very afraid of stuffed animals. We took a small one to Haiti with us, and anytime he saw it, he would say no, and run away from it, or whine and cling to us - so we kept it hidden from him. He's not quite as afraid of them, but we've been trying to keep them in one place and not get them out. The other morning the kids were playing house before school, with the stuffed animals. James suddenly came out of the office carrying two stuffed animals to show me! The girls were hollering at me to look - what a surprise! He went back in the office and found another and came back to show it to me also. Just then, Elijah took one of the ones he'd dropped and held it up and made it growl at James. He came running out to me. Not quite ready for that yet, but apparently it's OK to touch them now, and make them "woof-woof" (which sounds like "Whoo-Whoo" when James says it)! James still isn't too keen on Elijah's big dinosaurs either.
We haven't really played outside much yet. Someone asked me how James liked playing in the snow, but we haven't really had much of a chance to do that. The foot of snow we got right before Christmas mostly melted while we were in Haiti. Then when it snowed another couple inches last week it was bitterly cold, and nobody was going outside then! In between, and since then, it's been warmer, but muddy and mucky. Tuesday, it was 40 degrees outside, so I took the opportunity to get in a walk. I took James in the stroller to pick up the other three kids from school. While we were waiting for them, he got to go down the slide on the school playground a few times, which he really enjoyed. The camera on my phone isn't focusing right, thus the fuzzy photo. :( I can't wait until we either get some more snow with decent temps and time to play in it, or it warms up so we can head to the playground again! It was raining yesterday!
And a couple more fun photos just for fun:
playing on a toy guitar,
pushing cars and trucks all over,
building with blocks (or rather, knocking over the block towers mommy builds!),
running the train,
or throwing and chasing bouncy balls.
Elijah has been really patient with James, he loves his little brother so much! Although at times he gets a little too rough and we have to remind him that James isn't his size. James loves to play with cars with Elijah.
Something he and Elijah do frequently is push the biggest trucks we have (firetruck and Tonka dump truck) in circles around the furniture or the rooms in the house, racing each other (yes, he knows how to say "Ready, Go!"), then pretend to crash when they get back to the living room and collapse on the carpet.
LOVE the camaraderie between these two. Elijah was in time-out for having to be told too many times he was playing too rough. James kept on playing, but finally came over to sit next to Elijah, even putting his hand on his chin just like Elijah... So cute!!!
James took a while to warm up to Josephine, as she can be a little hyper and in-your-face - like she's trying too hard. I told her that she doesn't need to try to hard to get his attention, but just find something she wants to play with or that she thinks James would like to play with, and go play it. He will then sometimes join her, or sometimes I try to get him to join her. He's warmed up to her better by now. I caught him helping her feed her baby-doll a bottle one day. They also are often found playing with a few bouncy-balls down the front hallway.
Kaylen has been found at times, holding James while watching movies, or showing him things on the iPad. She also likes to try to chase him, and he giggles non-stop running around the house, trying to get caught and tickled! Kaylen was probably the one that was the most worried about us adding to our family. You see, her world was turned upside down when we added Elijah and Josephine to the family. She also though since James is a boy that he would be just like Elijah, who she doesn't always get along with the best. But there's enough age difference, that there's a cuteness factor, and she's really taken on a great big-sister role. She's super-helpful when I just need help keeping him occupied while I get something accomplished without him under-foot.
James has been very afraid of stuffed animals. We took a small one to Haiti with us, and anytime he saw it, he would say no, and run away from it, or whine and cling to us - so we kept it hidden from him. He's not quite as afraid of them, but we've been trying to keep them in one place and not get them out. The other morning the kids were playing house before school, with the stuffed animals. James suddenly came out of the office carrying two stuffed animals to show me! The girls were hollering at me to look - what a surprise! He went back in the office and found another and came back to show it to me also. Just then, Elijah took one of the ones he'd dropped and held it up and made it growl at James. He came running out to me. Not quite ready for that yet, but apparently it's OK to touch them now, and make them "woof-woof" (which sounds like "Whoo-Whoo" when James says it)! James still isn't too keen on Elijah's big dinosaurs either.
We haven't really played outside much yet. Someone asked me how James liked playing in the snow, but we haven't really had much of a chance to do that. The foot of snow we got right before Christmas mostly melted while we were in Haiti. Then when it snowed another couple inches last week it was bitterly cold, and nobody was going outside then! In between, and since then, it's been warmer, but muddy and mucky. Tuesday, it was 40 degrees outside, so I took the opportunity to get in a walk. I took James in the stroller to pick up the other three kids from school. While we were waiting for them, he got to go down the slide on the school playground a few times, which he really enjoyed. The camera on my phone isn't focusing right, thus the fuzzy photo. :( I can't wait until we either get some more snow with decent temps and time to play in it, or it warms up so we can head to the playground again! It was raining yesterday!
And a couple more fun photos just for fun:
Thursday, February 7, 2013
James' Adjustment - Speaking (Part 2)
Here are a few fun videos of James talking in Creole and/or 2-year-old gibberish. It's so cute and funny when he gets in this excited mode!
"Uh-oh!" is one of his favorite phrases now!
He said "Bah-bye!" right after I stopped recording.
And, I don't have a video of this one, because one side of the camera on my phone isn't working, so I just have a photo. But, when we pick the othe three kids up from school, we have to get there early to get a parking spot in the section where they'll know to look for me. To keep from getting too antsy, I bring James' afternoon snack with us so he can have it in the car. Today he had Teddy Grahams, and was just munching away happily. All of a sudden I realize he's behind me saying, "Belly, Belly, Belly!", in his little Haitian accent. I turned around and he's got a teddy with a fat belly laying down, poking it's belly. Yup, he knows that word well - even transferring it from our normal context of tickling his belly when I'm changing his diaper, to seeing a teddy graham cracker's belly! So cute!!!
"Uh-oh!" is one of his favorite phrases now!
He said "Bah-bye!" right after I stopped recording.
And, I don't have a video of this one, because one side of the camera on my phone isn't working, so I just have a photo. But, when we pick the othe three kids up from school, we have to get there early to get a parking spot in the section where they'll know to look for me. To keep from getting too antsy, I bring James' afternoon snack with us so he can have it in the car. Today he had Teddy Grahams, and was just munching away happily. All of a sudden I realize he's behind me saying, "Belly, Belly, Belly!", in his little Haitian accent. I turned around and he's got a teddy with a fat belly laying down, poking it's belly. Yup, he knows that word well - even transferring it from our normal context of tickling his belly when I'm changing his diaper, to seeing a teddy graham cracker's belly! So cute!!!
James' Adjustment - Speaking
So James isn't fully speaking English yet, but he is sure learning quickly!
Like most 2-year-olds, James is repeating almost everything we say - or at least trying to. If it's more than 2-3 words or syllables, it gets all garbled up, which is really cute. Like tonight, when we asked the blessing before supper, James repeated after Jock. The "Dear God" and "Amen" sounded pretty close. But the "Thank you for this food" sounded something like "ah doo pa ja ma". We all got a good laugh about that - including James. (I've forgotten how cute it is when a little kid laughs hysterically when everyone else laughs, even if they have no idea what's being laughed about or if they're the subject being laughed at!)
I'm trying my best to talk through everything I'm doing - from getting him dressed and talking about each piece of clothing and body parts, to getting out food and telling him, "Here's your cup", to counting steps, naming/counting/colors of toys, walking/running/jumping, etc. He already knows where his nose and ears are. He's very fond of his shirts, socks and shoes, and expecially hats, although he doesn't usually name his hat - he just pats his head and mumbles something if he can't find a hat.
I would say gestures are a big part of him learning words so quickly. When I ask him to go get something or put something somewhere, I say it and then point to it and point to the location. He's already understanding without gestures when I ask him to find/get his cup or throw something in the trash. He knows quite well when I ask him if he's stinky or needs a diaper. ;) He understands, sadly, when we tell him it's time for bed.
Another thing I've been trying to do with James is to read books every day. He has a very short attention span yet, so it hasn't been the best thing for language learning - yet. We'll keep trying. We've watched a couple PBS television shows, and he will sit and watch shows that speak slowly and excitedly, leaving blank spots for a child to repeat after the characters. Especially Word World he'll watch for quite a while. He will even sometimes repeate the words they're saying. He also enjoys catchy music on some shows.
Jock and I both know a few phrases in Haitian Creole. When we say them, we try to repeat them in English as well, so he is learning those phrases. Some very common ones we use are:
mwen renmen ou -- I love you
ann ale -- let's go
tan souple -- wait please
pa frape -- don't hit
pataje souple -- share please
pa touche -- don't touch
ou bien -- you're ok, or if in form of question: are you ok?
ann manje -- let's eat
li cho -- it's hot
moulen ak vale -- chew and swallow
ou pa grangou? -- are you hungry?
ou pa swaf? -- are you thirsty?
ou blese? -- are you hurt?
ou pa fatige? -- are you tired?
tan pou domi -- time to sleep
He speaks fairly clearly when he says just a word or two. When he says more than that, we can't always tell what he's staying even if he's just repeating after us. When he's having fun and playing around excitedly, he goes into high-volume excited mode. It reminds me a lot of the little ones playing at the orphanage, when they're in the big nursery, all running and playing together. I wonder what he's saying, and if he's saying something that we don't know the language or if it's just 2-year-old jarbled talking. Either way, it's hilarios to watch and listen to the kids playing together.
I've tried to get a few videos of him playing and talking/yelling, but it's really hard because he always wants to see the camera when I get it out. I'll start recording, then he'll see me recording, stop talking and come over to see the camera, so I only get short snippets. I also haven't had time to download and review my videos either, so I'll have to go back and see what I have. If I find a few good ones I'll post them later. I can think of a few good ones I have that just have to be located.
Like most 2-year-olds, James is repeating almost everything we say - or at least trying to. If it's more than 2-3 words or syllables, it gets all garbled up, which is really cute. Like tonight, when we asked the blessing before supper, James repeated after Jock. The "Dear God" and "Amen" sounded pretty close. But the "Thank you for this food" sounded something like "ah doo pa ja ma". We all got a good laugh about that - including James. (I've forgotten how cute it is when a little kid laughs hysterically when everyone else laughs, even if they have no idea what's being laughed about or if they're the subject being laughed at!)
I'm trying my best to talk through everything I'm doing - from getting him dressed and talking about each piece of clothing and body parts, to getting out food and telling him, "Here's your cup", to counting steps, naming/counting/colors of toys, walking/running/jumping, etc. He already knows where his nose and ears are. He's very fond of his shirts, socks and shoes, and expecially hats, although he doesn't usually name his hat - he just pats his head and mumbles something if he can't find a hat.
I would say gestures are a big part of him learning words so quickly. When I ask him to go get something or put something somewhere, I say it and then point to it and point to the location. He's already understanding without gestures when I ask him to find/get his cup or throw something in the trash. He knows quite well when I ask him if he's stinky or needs a diaper. ;) He understands, sadly, when we tell him it's time for bed.
Another thing I've been trying to do with James is to read books every day. He has a very short attention span yet, so it hasn't been the best thing for language learning - yet. We'll keep trying. We've watched a couple PBS television shows, and he will sit and watch shows that speak slowly and excitedly, leaving blank spots for a child to repeat after the characters. Especially Word World he'll watch for quite a while. He will even sometimes repeate the words they're saying. He also enjoys catchy music on some shows.
Jock and I both know a few phrases in Haitian Creole. When we say them, we try to repeat them in English as well, so he is learning those phrases. Some very common ones we use are:
mwen renmen ou -- I love you
ann ale -- let's go
tan souple -- wait please
pa frape -- don't hit
pataje souple -- share please
pa touche -- don't touch
ou bien -- you're ok, or if in form of question: are you ok?
ann manje -- let's eat
li cho -- it's hot
moulen ak vale -- chew and swallow
ou pa grangou? -- are you hungry?
ou pa swaf? -- are you thirsty?
ou blese? -- are you hurt?
ou pa fatige? -- are you tired?
tan pou domi -- time to sleep
He speaks fairly clearly when he says just a word or two. When he says more than that, we can't always tell what he's staying even if he's just repeating after us. When he's having fun and playing around excitedly, he goes into high-volume excited mode. It reminds me a lot of the little ones playing at the orphanage, when they're in the big nursery, all running and playing together. I wonder what he's saying, and if he's saying something that we don't know the language or if it's just 2-year-old jarbled talking. Either way, it's hilarios to watch and listen to the kids playing together.
I've tried to get a few videos of him playing and talking/yelling, but it's really hard because he always wants to see the camera when I get it out. I'll start recording, then he'll see me recording, stop talking and come over to see the camera, so I only get short snippets. I also haven't had time to download and review my videos either, so I'll have to go back and see what I have. If I find a few good ones I'll post them later. I can think of a few good ones I have that just have to be located.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
James' Adjustment - Eating
I was just telling a friend a few days ago, regarding a photo she took of James when we arrived home at the airport, how different James looks already!
I tried to find recent photo of James from a similar angle and without a smile on his face to see for sure. I couldn't really find one where he was looking the same direction and not smiling, so I tried taking one. It took LOTS of tries, but here's one with similar facial expressions. Look how his cheeks have filled out!
It amazed me when Elijah and Josephine came home, how much they changed and grew in such a short amount of time. It's obviously happening with James as well.
I don't want it to sound like the orphanage where James was living was giving sub-standard care, because they absolutely were not. In fact, I believe that GLA is one of the (if not the) best orphanage in Haiti. However, there's a lot to be said for individual attention, medical care, and proper nutrition. I'm not saying that he was not receiving proper nutrition while at GLA either - just that when a child has parasites in their system, even if they're fed good nutrition, that nutrition is going to feed a parasite instead of his body. I'm very interested to see what James' height and weight will be in another 10 days - a month from his homecoming!
James is also a very good eater, in general. I'm guessing that the orphanage does not fix enough food for the children to all have however many portions they'd choose to have. James eats pretty fast (sometimes without chewing, we've found out). He eats most everything he's served, and then requests more - sometimes multiple times. There have only been a couple times that he hasn't wanted to eat something that's on his plate. Also a few times we've had him take a bite or two then shake his head no at us. We just leave him in his high chair and tell him "manje" (eat), and he eventually finishes it, just not as fast as he does his favorites and doesn't request more.
We've had to change a little bit about how we do meals at our house. We used to just all finish our food and take care of our dishes as soon as each one of us is done. We're now trying to wait until everyone is finished (especially James) before we get up from the table. We also typically have a little something for "dessert", whether it be a piece of candy, a cookie, or ice cream. Having meals provided to us and having a birthday in the family in January made this no different. James got use to us having something sweet - which he LOVES!!! - and would hand me his non-empty plate when we started to get up. So that's why we changed the rule. Since the ice cream cake is now gone and we're mostly fixing our own meals now, dessert isn't a given, so James isn't always happy with that, but not too bad.
When it's just James and I at home, he also wants to just eat and eat and eat! So a few times, when he was on his way to eating more than I do, I'd just put the food away instead of leaving a container out and he knew there was more. He usually leaves his cup of milk to last, so that's something that has helped when he doesn't want to quite - I just ask him to drink his milk. If I ask him, "Ou fini?" (Are you Finished?) and put my arms out to help him out of his high chair, when he doesn't think he is, he'll pull his arms back into himself and give me the saddest pouty face he can. If he wants more he'll point to the food, and he's been saying "more" now for about the last week. He'll put his arms up to be lifted out of his high chair when he's finished.
For those of you not familiar with adopted kids, it's a common thing for kids to not know when to stop eating. Hunger is a prime need, and if they've had that need not met for any period of time, it takes them time to learn that there'll be a next meal, that they don't have to continue eating until they're sick. James is already starting to slow down with his eating, consuming amounts that are more similar to what a 2-year-old might normally eat. That tells me a lot about his comfort level here, and most likely about his past of having his needs being met the last 2 1/2 years.
One thing that surprised us with James, is that he loves meat! Elijah and Josephine had a hard time with meat when they came home. Elijah still does somewhat. I think the texture - no matter what kind of meat it was - bothered them. Also, Josephine had a hard time chewing some things, so we had to cut everything for her in tiny pieces - even pizza or things you'd normally eat with your hands and take bites off of it. If we put meat on James' plate, it's the first thing he'll eat, then ask for more - even if he still has other things on his plate. Although he knows now that he has to eat his other things first before getting seconds.
Elijah and Josephine also were not fans of milk when they came home, but James doesn't seem to have any problem with it. James did have a slight rash the second week he came home, and I wondered if it may have been due to milk, but I didn't stop giving him milk. The rash went away, and I never did figure out what it was from. It was luckily before we started him on any medications, so no allergies to those! James eats veggies fine as well - sometimes saving them for last, but not always. He doesn't usually complain about having to eat anything, which is nice.
James does complain when he's hungry and wants to eat, though! On weekday mornings, we usually don't eat breakfast until after we've taken the older three kids to school. They go to school around 7:30-7:45, so we have breakfast around 8:00. If we're downstairs for very long in the morning before we walk out the door, or if I make a run to the pharmacy while we're out before breakfast, he's not a happy camper! If I'm fiddling around in the kitchen, James generally things it's time to eat, and wants me to hold him and then get out his milk and sit in his high chair. When I'm working on getting supper together for everyone before Jock gets home from work, it's not always a very pretty sight for Jock to come home to. He's getting better about it though. We usually just have to try to get James occupied doing something with the other kids. And like when Elijah and Josephine came home, he's learning what it means to stay on the carpet, i.e. in the living room instead of under my feet in the kitchen while I'm fixing supper. It's starting to work better, although we still have our moments.
We've gone out to restaurants a couple times, and we've found that James is all about instant gratification. I.e., when you sit down in a high chair, it's time to eat! So we've luckily had a small container of something in the diaper bag to give him while we wait for our food!
As for favorites - I'd definitely say anything sweet is his favorite. We took James to Dairy Queen soon after he came home. It's somewhere Jock and I like to go together when the older three are at Awana. He seemed to enjoy it - but was turning his spoon upside down and just licking it like an ice cream cone. However, since then we've learned that he's not a big fan of ice cream, because it's too cold. Maybe it's just the difference between soft serve that you can lick.
He loved the red velvet cupcakes from Kaylen's birthday party. He had a couple of them, because we had some left over. He would lick all the cream-cheese frosting off the top first, and then the cake would pretty much be all over - but so cute! He also likes to eat oreos - pulling them apart, licking the filling, then eating the cookie. :)
When we're not eating sweets... For breakfast, James usually has some milk in his sippy cup, some dry cereal and a banana. Sometimes we do yogurt instead of the banana. For snacks, goldfish, animal crackers with peanut butter, or teddy grahams are favorites. For afternoon snack we usually do crackers on the go, because James doesn't like sitting in the car for 20-30 minutes waiting for the kids to get out of school! For lunch we usually have left-overs from supper, or maybe some lunch-meat/cheese. Suppers vary, and so far we're just finding he'll eat just about anything.
I tried to find recent photo of James from a similar angle and without a smile on his face to see for sure. I couldn't really find one where he was looking the same direction and not smiling, so I tried taking one. It took LOTS of tries, but here's one with similar facial expressions. Look how his cheeks have filled out!
I don't want it to sound like the orphanage where James was living was giving sub-standard care, because they absolutely were not. In fact, I believe that GLA is one of the (if not the) best orphanage in Haiti. However, there's a lot to be said for individual attention, medical care, and proper nutrition. I'm not saying that he was not receiving proper nutrition while at GLA either - just that when a child has parasites in their system, even if they're fed good nutrition, that nutrition is going to feed a parasite instead of his body. I'm very interested to see what James' height and weight will be in another 10 days - a month from his homecoming!
James is also a very good eater, in general. I'm guessing that the orphanage does not fix enough food for the children to all have however many portions they'd choose to have. James eats pretty fast (sometimes without chewing, we've found out). He eats most everything he's served, and then requests more - sometimes multiple times. There have only been a couple times that he hasn't wanted to eat something that's on his plate. Also a few times we've had him take a bite or two then shake his head no at us. We just leave him in his high chair and tell him "manje" (eat), and he eventually finishes it, just not as fast as he does his favorites and doesn't request more.
We've had to change a little bit about how we do meals at our house. We used to just all finish our food and take care of our dishes as soon as each one of us is done. We're now trying to wait until everyone is finished (especially James) before we get up from the table. We also typically have a little something for "dessert", whether it be a piece of candy, a cookie, or ice cream. Having meals provided to us and having a birthday in the family in January made this no different. James got use to us having something sweet - which he LOVES!!! - and would hand me his non-empty plate when we started to get up. So that's why we changed the rule. Since the ice cream cake is now gone and we're mostly fixing our own meals now, dessert isn't a given, so James isn't always happy with that, but not too bad.
When it's just James and I at home, he also wants to just eat and eat and eat! So a few times, when he was on his way to eating more than I do, I'd just put the food away instead of leaving a container out and he knew there was more. He usually leaves his cup of milk to last, so that's something that has helped when he doesn't want to quite - I just ask him to drink his milk. If I ask him, "Ou fini?" (Are you Finished?) and put my arms out to help him out of his high chair, when he doesn't think he is, he'll pull his arms back into himself and give me the saddest pouty face he can. If he wants more he'll point to the food, and he's been saying "more" now for about the last week. He'll put his arms up to be lifted out of his high chair when he's finished.
For those of you not familiar with adopted kids, it's a common thing for kids to not know when to stop eating. Hunger is a prime need, and if they've had that need not met for any period of time, it takes them time to learn that there'll be a next meal, that they don't have to continue eating until they're sick. James is already starting to slow down with his eating, consuming amounts that are more similar to what a 2-year-old might normally eat. That tells me a lot about his comfort level here, and most likely about his past of having his needs being met the last 2 1/2 years.
One thing that surprised us with James, is that he loves meat! Elijah and Josephine had a hard time with meat when they came home. Elijah still does somewhat. I think the texture - no matter what kind of meat it was - bothered them. Also, Josephine had a hard time chewing some things, so we had to cut everything for her in tiny pieces - even pizza or things you'd normally eat with your hands and take bites off of it. If we put meat on James' plate, it's the first thing he'll eat, then ask for more - even if he still has other things on his plate. Although he knows now that he has to eat his other things first before getting seconds.
Elijah and Josephine also were not fans of milk when they came home, but James doesn't seem to have any problem with it. James did have a slight rash the second week he came home, and I wondered if it may have been due to milk, but I didn't stop giving him milk. The rash went away, and I never did figure out what it was from. It was luckily before we started him on any medications, so no allergies to those! James eats veggies fine as well - sometimes saving them for last, but not always. He doesn't usually complain about having to eat anything, which is nice.
James does complain when he's hungry and wants to eat, though! On weekday mornings, we usually don't eat breakfast until after we've taken the older three kids to school. They go to school around 7:30-7:45, so we have breakfast around 8:00. If we're downstairs for very long in the morning before we walk out the door, or if I make a run to the pharmacy while we're out before breakfast, he's not a happy camper! If I'm fiddling around in the kitchen, James generally things it's time to eat, and wants me to hold him and then get out his milk and sit in his high chair. When I'm working on getting supper together for everyone before Jock gets home from work, it's not always a very pretty sight for Jock to come home to. He's getting better about it though. We usually just have to try to get James occupied doing something with the other kids. And like when Elijah and Josephine came home, he's learning what it means to stay on the carpet, i.e. in the living room instead of under my feet in the kitchen while I'm fixing supper. It's starting to work better, although we still have our moments.
We've gone out to restaurants a couple times, and we've found that James is all about instant gratification. I.e., when you sit down in a high chair, it's time to eat! So we've luckily had a small container of something in the diaper bag to give him while we wait for our food!
As for favorites - I'd definitely say anything sweet is his favorite. We took James to Dairy Queen soon after he came home. It's somewhere Jock and I like to go together when the older three are at Awana. He seemed to enjoy it - but was turning his spoon upside down and just licking it like an ice cream cone. However, since then we've learned that he's not a big fan of ice cream, because it's too cold. Maybe it's just the difference between soft serve that you can lick.
He loved the red velvet cupcakes from Kaylen's birthday party. He had a couple of them, because we had some left over. He would lick all the cream-cheese frosting off the top first, and then the cake would pretty much be all over - but so cute! He also likes to eat oreos - pulling them apart, licking the filling, then eating the cookie. :)
When we're not eating sweets... For breakfast, James usually has some milk in his sippy cup, some dry cereal and a banana. Sometimes we do yogurt instead of the banana. For snacks, goldfish, animal crackers with peanut butter, or teddy grahams are favorites. For afternoon snack we usually do crackers on the go, because James doesn't like sitting in the car for 20-30 minutes waiting for the kids to get out of school! For lunch we usually have left-overs from supper, or maybe some lunch-meat/cheese. Suppers vary, and so far we're just finding he'll eat just about anything.
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