James' Adjustment - Bedtime

So some of the first questions people ask me about James' transition home are:
- How is he sleeping?
- How is he eating?
- Is he speaking/understanding English yet?
- He is he getting along with his siblings?

Other common questions/comments are:
- Why was he brought to the orphanage for adoption/what's his family background?
- He's so lucky to have been adopted by you.
- Why did you choose to adopt from Haiti?
- Why does it take so long to adopt?
- How much does it cost to adopt from Haiti?

I'll attempt to answer these questions (at least of our experiences so far), for those of you I haven't talked to already, over the next few days...

I'll start here with the sleeping question, since it is on the forefront of my mind right now.

James is a pretty good sleeper. When we were in Haiti, he slept in a twin bed with me, and napped a few times with both of us. He wasn't feeling very well, and was very out-of-sorts not only due to that but also because he was taken from the home and caregivers he'd known for the last ~18 months. I could tell he wasn't too comfortable sleeping next to or on me. He wanted to be held/comforted, but he also wasn't used to being touched or having blankets on him. He also is a belly sleeper, arms and legs out, so sleeping next to me, on me, under covers, or next to me on his side, snuggled in, was odd to him.

By the time we got home, we figured he might be afraid to sleep in his bed, so we planned to ease him into it. We started sleeping with him, with a makeshift mattress on the floor of the boys' room next to his bed. Then we would wait until he fell asleep and put him on his bed, but still stayed in the room so we'd be right there when he fussed to comfort him back to sleep.

After a few days of that, we decided to try just putting him in his bed to fall asleep. I did it a couple nights/naptimes, and sat next to him rubbing his back until he fell asleep. Then we tried just staying next to him, then closer to the door, and just outside the door - but things were getting worse, not better like we'd hoped by trying to ween him off of us being in the room - so I went back to staying in the room with him. When my back couldn't take it anymore, Jock took over, but instead just put him in his bed and stepped out of the room. The ear-piercing screaming started again, but when Jock went back into the room, and said, "Shhhhhh," he stopped. Apparently I'm the softie, because when I put James to bed, he doesn't stop, he just keeps crying. After a few days of us trying to sneak out of his room after laying him down, he was back to screaming out, like he was afraid again, so we backed up to staying in his room until he fell asleep. We don't want him to feel abandoned.

Once James is asleep he sleeps quite well. He does wake up a few times in the night, crying. We would go to him right away when he cried, and just the sound of our voice or rubbing his back for a few seconds would calm him right back to sleep. However, when we're also asleep we weren't always hearing him - he doesn't always cry very loudly - sometimes just a soft whimper.

One night Jock woke up thinking he'd heard something. He went to check on the boys and came back in a panic to get me because he couldn't find James. I walked in the boys' room, and both of them (in Elijah's bed) sat up and looked at me. Elijah said, "He was crying, so I said come'ere." I told Elijah that was so sweet of him, but that we want to try to get James to sleep in his own bed... but that if he does crawl in with him, try to get him to go on the other side by the wall so he doesn't fall out. Elijah's Response: "He already did," very matter-of-factly. The thump is probably what woke Jock up! James wasn't phased at all! We got a good laugh about that incident!

We've actually found James in bed with Elijah or sound asleep on the floor next to Elijah's bed a few different times. Also, one morning, the boys were up playing with the light on before we woke the kids up to get ready for school. We figure they'd been playing there for a while considering the toys they had out, etc. Elijah said James woke up, and since Elijah doesn't know how to tell time yet, he thought it was time to get up and play like they do on Saturdays.

Elijah is such a good big brother to James, but we also know that he needs to get his sleep - especially since he's in all-day kindergarten and doesn't take naps. James crying at bedtime, and crying in the night, and waking up too early in the morning can't be good for Elijah's rest. So, we decided to move James' bed into our room for a while. We figure he just needs that comfort that we're always there for him. We're still staying in the room until he falls asleep, and then we're also there to just tell him "It's OK" and "tahn pou domi" when he wakes in the night or too early in the morning. We don't even get out of bed, he just hears our voices knows we're there, and goes back to sleep.

We'll give this a try for a while, and hopefully it won't be too long before he's back in his room.