Recently there has been some excitement about products that can be purchased through CafePress.com. This is a website that I think is a fundraiser website, where people can create products for themselves or their organization, send the links out to their friends & family, and can get a part of the proceeds when items are purchased. There are things like t-shirts (all sizes), tote & messenger bags, coffee cups, coasters, greeting cards, posters, and more. Our facilitator has had some of these items posted or linked on their website for a long time, but there are more items than just those. There are t-shirts that read “Yes, I am his/her REAL mommy/daddy”, “Expecting from Haiti”, or “Don’t tell my mommy/daddy, but I don’t look a thing like her/him”. These items brought up some interesting issues that I thought I’d share for those of you that are not as familiar with adoption.
The t-shirts that say, “Yes, I am his/hear REAL mommy/daddy” really brought up a strong point that is mentioned in several adoption language articles. I’m sure I’ve probably even said this in the past not thinking about it, but it’s not very politically correct to say that an adoptive parent is not a real or natural parent. The more appropriate word to use is biological parent. Also, another common language that I know I’ve used even recently is “gave up a child for adoption”, where the more appropriate language is “chose adoption for a child”. I’m sure there are probably others, but they’re not as common, and I can’t think of any more right now. Just things you don’t think about too much that I thought I’d share. Interesting though – it’s a different world!
The other issue is the wait times, and I’m hoping to get some advice from some other adoptive moms or dad’s out there. How did you approach the subject of how long it would be until your children would be home. I’ve just been explaining that our orphanage and facilitator are still saying it’s taking 8-15 months, which would put us somewhere between February and September of 2008. With a huge caveat that with international adoption you just don’t know. It’s a third-world country, the government is unstable, so things could change or even stall out at any point throughout the process. Then I usually say that we’re hoping for next summer, but again that we just don’t know.
And, while I’m talking about talking about the adoption process, another question we get asked a lot is if we’ve been “approved”, and if it’s “for sure” yet that we’ll be able to adopt Elijah & Josephine. Boy – that’s another can of worms, isn’t it? We have been approved by our home study, and have initial approval as adoptive parents from USCIS (immigration), and have been approved by the facilitator/orphanage, and have First Legalization in Haiti. Next, we’ll be going through Haitian Social Services, then a slew of Haitian Courts, then Haitian Passports, then USCIS again for the children’s approval, and then they’ll need a visa before they can come home. So, here again, there’s not really a clear answer. Most people just smile and nod when I try to explain this to them. They’ll legally be our children when the adoption decree is issued by the post-IBESR courts. Is it for sure then? Well, although it looks like it's clearing up a bit now, lots of people have been stuck for several months waiting for their children’s Haitian passports, so would it be more accurate to say that it’s not really for sure until we’ve landed and have them on the ground here in the US?
We just got our First Legalization, and we’re not in IBESR yet, so does anyone have any other ideas? Anyone who’s further along than us have any advice? Anyone who’s in the same step as us trying to figure out how to explain this to people?
I’m not really sure I’m ready to start wearing one of those “Expecting from Haiti” t-shirts quite yet. Maybe when we’re further along in the process, and things are becoming more clear. But when will that be?! It’s anyone’s guess at this point.
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