Six Months Later... (Part 5)

Big Sister:
Kaylen is doing such a great job being a big sister. She’s really settled into helping when she’s asked, or even when she’s not asked but she knows it’s needed or we’re not right there. Elijah and Josephine sometimes don’t like Kaylen to help them, but at times I have to remind them that I want Kaylen to do it and they usually cooperate then. She’s also getting better at stepping aside when there are things that Mom and Dad need to take charge of – although sometimes she needs a reminder that she’s not in charge of them all the time – especially not of disciplining them. She still has to be reminded many times that Elijah and Josephine copy her every move, and you’ll probably hear, “You need to be a better role model for your brother and sister, “ said at our house quite often.

Kaylen’s getting better at playing with Elijah & Josephine – although sometimes they act like typical 3-year-olds and just don’t cooperate – and that can frustrate her. She’s pretty good with reading books to them, making tents with blankets in the house, or playing hide and seek – although sometimes that gets a little too rowdy or she hides too well and they can’t find her. It’s so awesome when she can get their attention and get them interested in playing something with her. They truly enjoy and look up to her – and like to copy her every move – which at times gets annoying, but she can laugh along with them too, so it makes things fun. If Kaylen laughs about something, Josephine usually follows suit like it’s the most hilarious thing to have ever happened!

Kaylen had a difficult time coming to realize that life is often times not fair, that she doesn’t always get to do the same things or get treated the same as Elijah and Josephine, but that we do still love her the same. I read another adoptive mom’s advice a while back, that she had to give herself permission to treat her children differently. After all – they are different kids, who have different strengths and different needs. Giving that some thought really helped me a lot with Kaylen. Often times when Elijah and Josephine first came home, she would whine and cry that it wasn’t fair that Elijah or Josephine got to do things that she didn’t, or we spent more time with them, or even would say in a sassy tone, “You don’t love me as much as you do them!” We’ve had long talks about how E&J are younger and need more help with things, and about how there are many, many things that she does get to do that they don’t. We’ve also made a big effort to do things just with her at various times, and lots of reassuring her that we do love her the same, and always will. There were days that I thought we’d never get past it, and the lie still rear its ugly head, but we’re able to talk through things and get back to acceptance of our new normal – a life with siblings, where you don’t get 100% of the attention anymore, but you still have a mom and dad who love you very much and always will – no matter what!