Answering Questions

I only got one question so far. So please let me know if you have any questions or suggestions for what I should post about.

Kathy from over at Cassel Crew asked, "Do you have trouble with your oldest one tattling on or bossing the younger ones. I'm seeing a lot of that with Jasmine toward the twins. But they are sassy so sometimes it is probably justified. Still...."

We did have a big problem with this at first. Kaylen likes to be in charge - it's just her personality - always has been, even before she had a little brother and sister. It shows up in her relationships with friends as well. She's getting better about it, but still does it quite a bit. She does know now, though, that she is not in charge of Elijah & Josephine. She knows that she has an attachment issue of her own, with not wanting mommy to be in charge of her sometimes, and we've talked about E&J needing to learn that Mommy & Daddy are in charge of them and not her. We just have to remind her of that sometimes, and she usually snaps out of it. We also sometimes have to go so far as to tell Kaylen she's not allowed to be the teacher or the mom in pretend play (putting herself in charge of them) if it gets out of hand - but not as much as we did even a few months ago - she's getting better at not being too bossy in those roles.

It is especially evident with Kaylen bossing or tattling on Elijah - as they don't get along the best. Once in a while she'll try to discipline them herself, and that gets her into big trouble. If there truly is an issue, and it's not just tattling (she's learned the difference between reporting and tattline at school/daycare), then she needs to come tell us and not try to handle it herself. But a lot of times it is simply tattling.

Many days when I pick the kids up from daycare, she'll come up and tell me that Elijah pushed her or hit her or something like that while they were out for recess. The teachers and I have both told her on multiple occasions that I cannot police what happens at daycare - if something like that happens at daycare, she needs to talk to a teacher right away, instead of telling me an hour later. Now, if a teacher tells me about Elijah's daycare behavior then Jock and I talk with him about it at home. I think she things if she tells me something than he'll get the same kind of punishment as if a teacher told us about his poor behavior that day. She still tries sometimes, but usually it gets ignored, so it's slowing down.

Recently, one day after daycare, she came up and told me that, "I don't know why (a preschool daycare teacher & Kaylen's afternoon bus driver) told me this, but she told me that Elijah's pull-up was wet after his nap." What??? She likes to ask questions and then tell me about the answers to try to get him into trouble - and this was when she knew we'd started his dry-day potty calendar. It made no sense to me that this teacher would just out of the blue tell Kaylen this piece of information, so I told her that was none of her business to be asking questions about her brother's behavior or pottying at daycare, and pretended I hadn't heard it. When Elijah told me that he'd been dry all day, I believed him, and he got his stamp - and she knew this. She hasn't told me any more things like this in a couple weeks.

Other things like, "He stuck his tongue out at me", "He tripped/pushed/hit me", etc... usually get two responses: "Elijah, don't do x", and "Kaylen, are you hurt? Then you're big enough to ignore the tongue. You're almost twice his size, and you're just fine, so ignore him." Now if someone's hurt or we see the act happen, it's a little bit different reaction - usually E getting punished.

Kaylen doesn't usually tattle on Josephine, or even boss her around very much.

Josephine is starting to become quite the little mommy, and starting to be bossy, though. She likes to repeat what I've said when I request the other two do something or when I talk to them about some misbehavior. This makes them very angry and less likely to take my correction. So I'm having to tell her quite frequently, "Josephine - that's none of your business, stay out of it. I'm in charge, not you." She sometimes pouts, but usually just stops. Sometimes she'll be in the other room and start yelling all bossy-like, but that's usually in response to something one or the other two of them are doing to pick on her. She does not take it! But sometimes her little attitude still needs to be put in check too.

Elijah sometimes will boss Josephine around, but usually only in pretend play. He will say, "Josephine, say this xxxxx", or "Josephine, do this xxxx". She will only oblige if she's having fun and in a good mood. She doesn't take bossiness from either Elijah or Kaylen if she's not having fun. She'll just flatly tell them, "No." and go on to something else, completely ignoring their requests. Elijah doesn't like it when she does this, and keeps asking over and over - sometimes I just have to say, "No, Elijah, she already said no". Kaylen usually gets the hint and moves on. Josephine doesn't take mistreatment from anyone - including other kids at daycare her age, or older. Kind of cute, and good for her! She's a tough little girl!